Mondays. Hurrayy.

Hallo. Congratulations on getting through a Monday! And it's the last hard-full-of-work Monday this entire year...until we're sophies. Scary thought. And my brother will be a SENIOR next year. Life is going way too fast. I will bawl when my brother leaves. I can't even think of him leaving actually. It's too...wow. Scary.

So today. Math, of course. I pretty much lived at my teacher's desk, asking so many questions. I also came down 7th period to ask even MORE questions. So right now, I'm feeling decently confident with what we need to know for the final. (It's on Thursday.)

English, we watched the new Romeo and Juliet. Haha very interesting. It's SO weird...all 'modern' with old English talking (old English, right?)

Science was science. Kinda normal. Same as German. Gotta study both still.

Half of lunch I spent thinking of math and writing down questions I have. Is it possible to have dyslexia in ONE subject? If so, I must have an awful case of it in math. It seems like NOTHING can click in my head when it comes to numbers and equations and polynomials -shudders-.

History, boring. I'm ready to ace that thing. :D

7th, I went to math to ask more questions. That went well.

I went to Jeff-fu-fahs after school with gang minus Broda. We got slightly distracted in our studying, but I was able to do it (AND paint my nails neon yellow and neon green while studying more history and math). Haha fun times. I haven't been there for about...a week, i suppose. Feels like forever.

So...yep. Sorry that my life is so boring. Nothing is going to be new this week except that I'm shaking off those cobwebs that grew on the things I learned the beginning of this year.

In 7 days, this year will be done. Ha, I'm sad. Sounds PATHETIC, but I'm sad. I love seeing my friends every day. I really do. It keeps me alive and...sane, I suppose.

RANDOM QUOTE OF THE DAY!!!

Found it in a friend's AIM profile: If you know that something is wrong and you have a choice to do it or not, remember: giving in is like giving up.

I'm not saying this for any reason, really, I just found it and it's very true.

I'm off to swim. I would love to have some silence.

~Jenny :]

Yeah, my back hurts. A lot. But it was expected. And I don't care. I refuse for it to hinder back my life. It will not. I don't care. I AM doing sousaphone in marching band. I WILL run if I want to. If it kills me, so be it. So HA.

Sigh.

(Just so you all know, I'm on my dad's laptop, our computer is deathly ill, and I might be on this for a while, meaning I might not be updating as much...)

One week down. Only one full week to go. Huzzah.

So...today I saw Up with the Wright family. Rather fun. I liked it, and yes, I cried three times. It was kinda sad and I had personal relations with what happened. Good gravy it's a PIXAR movie and I had 'personal connections'. No, I never had a personal connection with a talking dog or an Asian Boy Scout, if that's what you're wondering...

When I got home, it was raining. And my mind is full of QUITE a lot right now (you know, the drama is killing me. It's just EATING at me. And i'm tired of it.)so I changed into sweats and my marching band jacket and ran (yes, i DID run. i'm not supposed to. whatcha going to DO about it?)about 3 miles and IT FELT SO GOOD. Yeah, it hurt, but I'm not sure if I really care or not. I ran into the branches hanging over the sidewalk just to have my face slapped with cold water. It felt so good, it got some stress out (though I'm positive I'll be feeling the pain tonight and tomorrow) and just move some. I should have been studying...but I guess that's what weekends are for.

So....the MRI's came back. Anddddddddd....nothing. It's 'normal.' Sureeee. But what kinda concerns me is that in the MRI, they found something growing on my thyroid (I think it's something in your neck). OH. FANTASTIC. LIKE I NEED A N Y T H I N G ELSE ON MY PLATE. So honestly I'm scared, like if it's bad or anything. My mom said not to worry, but she might just be saying that just so I don't get too frightened (too late). Gah.

And on top of that, I'm positive I failed that math test I spent hours upon end studying for. I love my life.

~j

Random song I've been working on

'Song I've been working on' meaning I just thought of in the last 10 minutes.

Feel free to visit me in my hushed place
But don’t talk to me face to face
If you speak, sugarcoat your words
Why speak the truth when there’s nothing left to spur

So why even bother?
Why even try?
I’ve been dismantled down
Broken heart as a meager cry

Was I not strong enough?
What I’d do wrong?
In my own loosely seamed trance
But oh, before long

I’ve been taken down

Two more days...two more days...then the week is over.

I'm getting rather sick of this. Hopeless, stressful, discouraging little life of mine.

My Tuesdays are...unlike any others.

So of course, I come home (more like racing home, i had S0O0O0O0O0O0O0O much homework), threw my french horn aside and started scribbling my German homework down. After a few minutes of work, my mom and I had to leave for an MRI. I believe they did it on the thorax? Maybe? I KNOW it's not the scapula because I got that done 2 years ago. So anyway, interesting story, MRI's. If you don't know what that is, it's when they pretty much X-Ray your muscles/tendons/things like that instead of your bones. You get stuck into a small tube and they make these incessant INSANELY LOUD beeping and clicking sounds.. To prevent myself from panicking, being the claustrophobic person i am, i pretend I'm going to the moon and I'm in the rocket. The beeping and clicking is from the liftoff, and my imagination goes from there.

Anyway.

I have to wear absolutely NO metal, because this thing is also a giant magnet. So i change to those weird scrubs, take out my bobby pin and walk over to the machine. As I start to lay down, my head gets pulled to the center of it. Me being me, I scream from surprise (well wouldn't YOU if your head was being pulled to this giant machine bigger than your room? YEAH, that's what I thought) and I realized that I still have a barett in my hair. Ohhhhhhhhhhh snap. So i try to rip it off, but the nurse moves me aside and said that if I take it off here, it will get sucked into the MRI machine and screw it up. So i run out of the room, take it off, and then I'm not magnetic. PHEWWWWW. That was...quite the surprise. After this little dilemna, I lay back down on my back and they pack me up as if I'm a glass vase in a UPS box (with pads around my arms, fingers, under my knees, around my ears, around my mouth, etc) and shipped into the scary machine I go. So...how small is it, you might ask? I probably have about 2+ inches around me. My arms are squished up on the sides (i was freaking out in the beginning) and my nose was about 2 inches from the side of the machine.) So i closed my eyes, pretended I was an astronaut, and it didn't go too badly. Oh yeah, they let me listen to a CD (I brought Anberlin; this is a story in itself. I thought if I brought jazz, I would tap my feet (you're not allowed to move AT. ALL.) and if I brought classical I would finger it on my legs. So I just brought Anberlin. Big mistake. So the ENTIRE stupid MRI thing I was telling my toes not to curl to the beat, or my fingers to tap...I should have brought country. -shudders-. Maybe not, I doubt that they want my vomit inside of that thing.) ANYWAY...so in between those loud incessant beepings, I heard some Anberlin. And YOU KNOW WHAT? The stupid beepings were always an A flat, and it would go from flat to sharp from flat to sharp every time it beeped. AHHHHH. It drove me INSANE. It beeped probably 100 times a minute, so it was like FLATSHARPFLATSHARPFLATSHARPFLATSHARP so I just wanted to scream TUNE IT FOR CHARLIE'S SAKE!!! But they never did. So anyway, I looked around (when I dared to open my eyes) and there were little dusty holes and I was TERRIFIED that a spider would crawl out and I wouldn't be able to move and it would be RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. That should be a form of torture. It would work well. But thankfully, no spider came out.

Eventually, it ended, huzzah, and here i am, alive (for the most part). We'll see what the results are later, and I'll let you know if anything happens.

~jenny

P.S. Oh yeah, yesterday I met with my band director and....I'm going to play the fiberglass sousaphone. I'm not sure what to think. Like it MIGHT work, hopefully, if my back lets it (it could handle the fiberglass one, NOT THE BRASS ONE IN THE SLIGHTEST) but the idea of learning a completely new way to play brass kinda leaves me hesitant. Oh well, I'll learn.

Debating

So today is Tuesday. Yayyyy tuesday. I'm running away from my homework for a second so I can breathe later.

So...today, during science, I had a 'religion' debate with my friend (Jia). It was...interesting. She had a lot of questions about Christianity and how I know it's true (she's an Atheist). I tried my best to defend my relationship with Christ but respect what she believed in (which, might i add, was rather hard.) She asked a lot of questions like: (feel free to answer and give me your opinion)
-Is Jesus also God?
-Where did God come from?
-When people die, what will happen to them if they don't believe in an afterlife?
-How do you know that the future is set in stone?
-What really IS a soul?

Now, if you REALLY know me, I'm never really ready for these kind of things. I can think of a GREAT relation to the question 5 minutes later, but not on the spot. BUT. I was so proud of myself...she asked 'So why would God send his son down here to a (quoting) hell like this?' And I replied 'The same reason that Jesus died for you.' And she DIDN'T HAVE AN ANSWER TO THAT!! SO THAT MIGHT STICK IN MY HEAD!!! Oh that made me so happy. Anyway, that made another whole set of questions like 'Did Jesus ACTUALLY die?' 'Why DID Jesus die for the sinners?' 'Why WOULD he?' Anyway, after questions like this, she came with the toughie that EVERYONE struggles with.

Why does God let bad things happen? (She used the Holocaust as an example)

I kinda knew that the Jews were 'damned' from the beginning from the whole Egyptians and Jews thing, and Jesus DID (for lack of word) foreshadow that something would happen to them. So...I don't know. I didn't really answer with that. I wasn't sure if she would understand. By the way, we completely didn't do our work in science, but our science teacher (who rocks) saw that we were in a huge debate and she let us off the hook. :D I love her. Anyway, after science, we started towards German II with Julie (my short asian friend) and they both started hurling questions at me like 'How do you know that the Bible is true and it isn't just a piece of crap?' (Julie is a Buddhist) 'How do you know that some people made it up to make you feel better?' And me, being awful at answering questions on the spot, didn't answer. I guess I'm not very good at this testifying thing...oh bother. I feel awful that I couldn't answer the questions, but I didn't want to just make an answer up. But, if you do or don't know them, just please pray for God to soften their hearts. And for me to remember all of the memorized verses I have stored in my dense (with knowledge!!!) head that always seem to disappear when I need them the most...

~Jenny