Dear ED,

I be going to Poland. I refuse to let you come in between me living for my Lord. I am going to have a freakin fantastic time being His hands and feet and ignoring what you say. So SUCK. IT.

Love,
me

Spin me around again and rub my eyes

Divisi-Hide and Seek. Listen. 

It's incredible when music physically changes the way your body works, like your heart syncing up to the beat, the goosebumps that don't go away, the tears in your eyes, the energy that courses your veins...what a thrill something as simple as circles in lines on paper that can change our life. 

~j

VOTD:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

I want to run again. I miss that feeling.

I want God to 180 my life. Please.

I want Poland. I don't want this to stop me.

Gaining weight is so scary. So so so so so scary.

I want the people I can talk to back.



I wish everything could settle.

I hate not knowing. I hate being helpless, not knowing what this muggy future holds.

I'm scared. I know that I failed. I did not reach the goal that I have been working my tail off for. It kills me.

And to not know what is next...

I know that God's plan will work out, but when will I be able to see it?

~j

Happy 4th :)

Yesterday was sort of amazing. 

 Last night, Carter and I decided to go outside and star gaze around 10:30. We took out beach towels and laid down in my backyard. It was...incredible. Stars beat any fireworks ANY day. He told me about one of his analogies of the stars that he has used since he was younger.

Night is nothing but a dark, dark blanket thrown over the sky. The stars are little pinprick holes in the blanket, and the light is heaven. Stars are pieces of heaven shining through to give us on earth a good taste of what heaven will be like.

We also saw LOADS of shooting stars. I first thought they were all planes, but they were too fast and were lacking blinking lights. So beautiful. 

How amazing is our world! Every little thing in our earth can be broken down to the finest details, which even then are FASCINATING. Think about...the air. What is air? A combination of elements, like nitrogen, hydrogen, oxygen, etc. What do we use it for? Duh, breathing. How do we breathe in these elements? The ones we need are dissolved into our blood stream. The ones we don't need are released back into the air. The air is made up of SO many things and yet we can't even feel it if we tried. It has billions upon billions of atoms dancing at the speed of a shotgun bullet, constantly surrounding us. And this is just AIR. Think of how many billions of THINGS are world is made of, and breaking down something that seems so simple, AIR...the details are fascinating.

I love God moments like these. :)

~j

VOTD:

"Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made." 

John 1:3

Those Small Moments

It's the few seconds, or even the minute of your day that can turn you around and take your breath away.

That sounds like a poem. :]

This evening, I was cleaning up the kitchen and my brother Brian and his fiance were packing up. Kristie asked me if I could hold Montana, her sister's daughter that she brought with her that day, while she packed up things in the car. I held Montana, this adorable one year old with skin the color of creamed coffee, black curly hair and the biggest brown eyes I've ever seen on such a young child. To be honest, I haven't hold a kid in quite some time. She was depending on me, her hands clutching on to my shirt and her legs around my waist. I bounced her and cooed softly in her ear, as she just woke up from a very short nap after swimming. My heart skipped a beat when she smiled at me.

She had such faith in the arms of whoever she fell into. She obviously was most comfortable in Kristie's arms, but she would stretch for either me or Brian when we walked by. She depended on us to care for her and love her. And it hit me...that's the way that we should depend on God. The childlike faith, so we hold on to His finger and never let go, knowing that He has the best in store for us. And I wonder what makes us grow out of that...

~j

VOTD:

But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.

Isaiah 64:8