Please don't go away...

No, no, you're leaving too soon! NO! I want to get to know you more!...darn. My weekend is almost gone. Here comes another week.

Well today was good though. I baked outside for a while (i believe i fell asleep which was nice, i got about 6 hours last night...long story) and i got color on my chest and arms (HUZZAH) and then i went swimming, mostly just holding my breath and sitting on the bottom of the pool. I have found a love for underwater. I already loved going under, but the silence is kinda nice. So i did that, i got my hair cut (new bang style) and i just practiced my speech (i really should do that more...). So that's a wrap-up of my day. OH! I had FF this morning and it was great. Just my legs kill from "Get Down" with the squatting and jumping. I will have the greatest sculpted legs around in a few weeks...

Beautiful day. Very very beautiful day. Go enjoy it.

~j

So today i was in the pool with some friends (after adjusting to the rather frigid water) and I was underwater a lot. And i never really noticed what it's like under there. So quiet, every sound is muffled, the silence just pushes into your ears, everything is in slow motion. But you can still see everything, crystal clear, but every other sense is so different. It's just...pretty cool. I wish i could live that way all the time. Where nothing else matters. I might go in later tonight just to experience it again. I wish my life was like that. When it's just at the matter of fizzling out...just go underwater and I'm just alone with the water, the silence. I probably sound like some sort of weird crazed poet but that's just what I'm thinking. Call me crazy.

~a crazy Jenny

I guess I'm a little concerned for some friends of mine. And myself, I guess. Sounds weird and vain but I am. But my friends. It just seems like everything is just fizzling out. Dying, fading, whatever word you want to use. Everything just seems to go wrong. Either it's my Jenny-luck, or it's something else...

~j


Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

TGIF?

I guess it's TGIF. It's not like i'm looking forward to this weekend. It's more of a week than a weekend. Just making up final reviews, start that speech of mine (oops...) and trying to stay alive.

So let's recap these last few days...Family Fusion was last night for the first time. that was pretty fun. Sang a lot, danced a lot, tried to bring some energy back. How i'll get it early Sunday morning...i'm not sure yet. Tomorrow i have mband for this commencement ceremony thing for the high school. bright and early. cant wait.

I don't believe much else happened. Tired. Sick of this year. Feeling...down, i suppose.

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere....

~j

Hello Alone-Anberlin

Hello Alone-Anberlin


Is this where the interstate ends?
In coastal towns like this
Waiting for my world to cave under
We seem to invent ourselves (we seem to invent ourselves)
In the places left unknown
If hope could only find me out

Is this the end of everything we've known? (We've known)
This is the end of everything I am

Is anybody out there?
Hello! Hello!
Broken hearts like promises are left for lesser knowns
Is anybody out there?
Alone! Alone!
Cause the coldest winters thrive

Depression is the unholy ghost
In the coastal towns of ahead
Though I know a thousand names
I see my only friend
I've got the gun
All I need is ten cents for the bullet
I feel helpless, sleeping at best, waiting for your return
Are you ever coming home?

Is anybody out there?
Hello! Hello!
Broken hearts like promises are left for lesser knowns
Is anybody out there?
Alone! Alone!
Cause the coldest winters thrive on broken homes
Broken homes

Does anybody (Does anybody)
Do they ever listen? (Do they ever listen?)
Does anybody (Does anybody)
Care at all?!
Do they care at all?
Do they care at all?
Do they care at all?
Do you care at all? Do you care at all?!

Is this the end of everything we've known? (We've known)
This is the end of everything I am

Is anybody out there?
Hello! Hello!
Broken hearts like promises are left for lesser knowns
Is anybody out there?
Alone! Alone!
Cause the coldest winters thrive on broken homes
Is anybody out there?
Hello! Hello!
Broken hearts like promises are left for lesser knowns
Is anybody out there?
Alone! Alone!
From a lesser known I'm here
and there's hope, there's hope

.......

Just living through the days...hoping that i make it out alive....

Sorry. i just don't think i can write for a few days. i...just can't.

Yay Sundays.

Jenny's bored and has no life. Yes, i was aware of that before today, but today just clinched it. After church, I went outside to help with some yard work (we're opening the pool up!!!). So I have spent the two past hours scrubbing the outside of the pool with the Magic Eraser (a sponge full of bleach). Fantastic. I never knew how many spiders lived around our pool. Let's just say I screamed a few times and fell over because of the multitude of them. And they weren't little tiny cute buggers. They were the red fuzzy kind that you see in those horror movies. You know, the ones that eat off the faces of the screaming women, those ones. :P

It's rather nice out. I got a good tan on my back. YESSSS.

~Jenny

Letters-Stellar Kart

i canNOT wait until this little drama faze is over.


Far from home you find me
Amidst the lost and dying
Nothing's fair in love and war
Worlds apart in desperation
Please erase this separation
Only you are worth fighting for

There's love in every letter written
A hope that gets me through the day
Forever is never too long to wait

Some day soon we'll be together
Where a moment lasts forever
And our love shines brighter than the stars
Until then I will remember
Every word and every letter
The promises you've written on my heart

I see the darkness blinding
And all that's left are my dreams
To save me from the night
Your words of hope remind me
Somewhere the sun is shining
Don't give up the fight

Blah....drama llama...

Wow i am pooped. we just had our memorial day parade and IT WAS HOTTTT. And this shall take forever to type since i either jammed or broke my left ring finger. Fantastic.

Does anyone ever feel like they're losing their friends to the opposite sex? I KNOWWW everyone who is reading this can think of someone. But...it's sad. They get so obsessed with them, and you either feel like the 3rd wheel or you're completely dumped off of the bandwagon. Is it BAD that I don't like someone, because of how the world lives, they act like it's a sin. Well SORRY for not being like those cookie-cutter cut-out I'm-just-what-the-world-(or a guy)-wants-me-to-be. I for one am NOT stooping down to that level to impress what others think or what guys think. Really, that's low. And i'm sick of it.

I just want FRIENDS. WithOUT the drama. WithOUT the guy obsession. Is that so much to ask for?

~Jenny

This week should end...now.

Man am I ready for this week to be over. Not only academically wise, but emotionally as well. Quite a hefty week in both of those categories. Just...this weekend shall rock. 3 whole days...I CAN'T WAIT!!!! It's so exciting! On Friday night, I'm parking cars at the fair. :P Fun? At least I get to see the fireworks...I've never been to this fair. People think I'm crazy. Oops. Sorry that I haven't gone? It's not like I'd ride the rides. NO, WHO EVER IS READING THIS, YOU WILL N E V E R GET ME ON A ROLLER COASTER. AND I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT TO MAKE YOU WANT TO. I SHALL SIMPLY REFUSE. The Swing I can handle, or the Music Express at Dorney. But Talon or things like that that involve huge roller coastery things...NO. NEVER. NEVAHHHH. I will scream and kick and bite if I have to. And don't think that I won't. :P I can be rather ferocious.

Anyway. Jenny has an outline that she's having trouble finishing...

Rather emotionally drained, and I'm not exactly looking forward to marching band tomorrow. I should just skip. It's not like I can hold up a freakin mellophone anymore. And I don't think I need practice marching around a parking lot for hours. Botherrrrrr. Just Thursday and Friday, just two days to get through..................

~Jenny

Acts 3:19

Adelaide-Anberlin

Goooood song. I love it. I don't really know who this Adelaide girl is but there are so many good lines on here that I had to put it on.

Verse 1:
You're repeating me lines that you think I wanna hear
But I don't wanna hear anymore
As if sorry is any consolation
For what it's worth, you're stringing me along
Sh sh shouldn't need anyone
Shouldn't need anyone
Just scared of being alone
But by the time you figure this out
And I'm already gone


Chorus:
Adelaide, Adelaide, you really had me going this time
Adelaide, Adelaide, you need to quit, quit making a scene
Adelaide, Adelaide, you really had me going this time
Adelaide, Adelaide, you need to quit, quit making a scene

Verse 2:
You keep giving me signs that you think I wanna see
But you're nothing like you seem
Hide behind your half smile
But the truth is so undeniable
Sh sh shouldn't need anyone
Shouldn't need anyone
Just scared of being alone
But by the time you figure this out
And I'm already gone

Chorus:
Adelaide, Adelaide, you really had me going this time
Adelaide, Adelaide, you need to quit, quit making a scene
Adelaide, Adelaide, you really had me going this time
Adelaide, Adelaide, you need to quit, quit making a scene

Bridge:
Like lipstick traces on pillow cases
Some things in life are unforgettable
Like love, loss, lies and us and woh ohh
Some things in life are undeniable

Chorus:
Adelaide, Adelaide, you really had me going this time
Adelaide, Adelaide, you need to quit, quit making a scene
Adelaide, Adelaide, you really had me going this time
Adelaide, Adelaide, you need to quit, quit making a scene

JUST SAYING...

Our high school band director (Mr. Goatee) is in my LIVING ROOM. It's REALLY WEIRD...I went by to change my pants and HE was right there! It's not like it's bad or anything...just...weird. He's in my HOUSE. Sitting on our couch. It's just funky. And kinda...weird. Okay I'm done. Gotta study.

~Jenny

Interesting...

So today was...different than most Mondays. Well first off, it didn't suck!! I left the band banquet early last night so I could come home and study, but I really ended up doing guitar and devotionals for a while, which I also needed. This morning, I got ready early and had time to spare to do some more devotionals. I'm hoping to get into that habit.

So my DAY starts.

Math was boring, the test was easy at least (hurray!), Child Health was...well, the usual boring while she drones on about super-safety. I do listen at least. English was great, we're reenacting Romeo and Juliet, and THAT was hilarious. :P

Fourth period. Science.

WELL...we got assigned a chapter review thinger because we have a test tomorrow. So we got in small groups and went to the lab tables to work. About 10 minutes into working, we hear a thud. I look up to see the lab table next to us has a huge jet of water shooting out of the sink pipe into the ceiling. You don't see this everyday. And HOW did the water get to the ceiling? This certain kid in my class...(who i have trouble standing) decided to rip off the faucet part of the sink (like the curvy part that makes the water go down into the sink, the candy cane part...does this make sense?) so this jet of water shot out of this stub that was once the sink faucet. Sciencey time!!: The candy cane part of the faucet usually holds the water pressure down. Without the candy cane, there is nothing holding the water down. This being said, it rockets into the lightbulb above the lab table and sprays out like some sort of twisted water park thing. So of course, we all scream and run to avoid the water. Of course, me being Jenny, my desk is right next to lab table with the crazy sink, so my papers are getting a nice watering. I run to get them (stupid mistake) and slide to my desk, pick up my soggy binder/german book, and run back (in flip-flops, even bigger mistake) and OF COURSE, ME BEING JENNY I slip (of course) and get rather soaked on the ground (the water is easily 1/2 inch by now). Why someone didn't turn it off, I'm not sure. My science teacher called the janitors but they weren't coming imediately. Poor girl, just got out of college and she has to deal with THIS. While everyone is watching the geiser and taking pictures of it with their cell phones, other science teachers arrive. Eventually, they kicked us out into another science room and expected us to work. HA. No one worked at all. :P We were having too much fun talking about it. So...I wonder if I'll have science in her class on Wednesday...OH. And my books! So all of my science papers are WRECKED and my German book has some nice water damage. I told Frau and she gave me the look of death. In my defense, it's not my fault some idiot decided to twist off the top of the sink for entertainment and made a waterpark without my science teacher knowing. Oh well. It WAS really fun, even though I was so wet in next period. Really, it's something that would happen in a movie, really. Like a Lizzie McGuire movie or something. Super corny and all, but entertaining to the little ones.

That's my adventure. Tomorrow, the jazz band is going on our elementary school tour!! Always so fun. At least we get to do this. I love it.

Well i better start that math homework. Tomorrow is going to be so much easier. :D

~Jenny

Good day.

I love Saturdays. Sundays are okay, I guess, like I enjoy going to church usually (especially when we talk about Toronto!!!!), but it's just so close to Monday that...it's not so fun. But today was good. I slept until 10 (a new record for me!) and quickly ate breakfast and helped with the window-washing ceremony and laundry. Then Squinty called, and we made plans to hang out. I went to her house, ate some PVCS chicken (so good...) then we went on a walk around our lovely town We saw a dead squirrel (ran over) and i kept my eyes on the ground. What did Squinty do? Went over to it, NEXT TO IT, and looked at it. It was rather upsetting. I feel awful for animals that die that way...ANYWAY. We walked to the Mexican Grocery Store and bought 3 tacos (Squinty got a cow tongue's one and a chicken, i was safe and just went with chicken), I bought a Pan (pronounced pahn, it's like a sweet bread), then we went to Wawa and I bought an iced tea, Squinty a strawberry milk and a bag of Doritos. Then we went to the band shell and just sat there, watching the hot runners go by, eating our little snack. It was rather fun, just talking about random or just heart-to-heart. Walking home, it just felt good to get some things out. Life seems a tad easier now. :P When we got back to her house, she went through her books/stuffed animals and I attempted at French nails for the band banquet tomorrow. :D Can't wait...hope it goes well...

So anyway I got home, and now my family and I are going to Melodia Cafe. We haven't gone out for dinner for a while (let alone as a family) so this shall be a nice treat. :] I'm liking today. But I gotta come home, work on my English speech and finish my fingernails because they look like poop. :P I <3 weekends.

~Jenny

P.S. pvmbsax-thank you.

Thanks.

You know, I was kinda in a slump this past week, and I did pray to God to get me out of it. And you know what? He did. Just a little reminder to whoever is reading (and myself) that God IS listening. He IS there and WANTS to hear you. So, God? Thanks. You really are there.

~Jenny

T.G.I.F.

Jenny is very relieved that this week is over. Tough week. Tough, boring, lonely week. I'm rather happy that I have the weekend and I can just relax for once. Maybe that's why my back is so sore...stress? Idk. Too bad I have to write a speech this weekend on who knows what. The assignment for English: 'Write a 3-4 minute speech about anything that we ever studied this year. Ever.' UMMM OKAY? I'm kinda overwhelmed with that. I was thinking about writing it on To Kill a Mockingbird, but it actually has to be...interesting...so that kinda throws THAT idea out the window. :P I'll have to look through my old papers to get some sort of idea.

All of the concerts went very well, overall. Orchestra was BLAST, me and Broda in the back talking the entire time. :D My solos were fine, thank goodness. Waltz sucked, as usual. :p Everything else was okay though. Band/jazz band was GREAT. The band actually did well and the horns remembered the naturals and sharps when they were supposed to! And jazz band came along. Apparently I dance while playing piano (well I noticed that I move a little, but I guess not THAT much) so all of my friends (who weren't in jband) were imitating me dancing. Losers. Whatever. Ha anyway my solos went well, except the microphone-runner dude forgot to turn my mic up. So. No one heard my solo. :[ I was very sad. Oh well. Trombone said that he heard it. He was a few feet away from me, but I digress.

Tonight is my brother's band concert. Yay. This is my boring life. :P I'm just happy that today didn't suck as much as the previous days.

SaxyCuz-Yes, dear, I DID pray about it. :] Thank you God for getting me through these nicht-so-gut days.

~Jenny

15 minutes....

I have 15 minutes until I have to leave for orch concert. Woot.

So. Ya know, this week sucks. I mean, these concerts are REALLY pressing on my time to study and do homework and actually enjoy myself, and TOMORROW is going to be a deep dark fiery place underground on earth. Okay. So. Right after school, marching band, then STRAIGHT from that to voice lessons, then STRAIGHT from THAT to home to eat and go to the band concert. Someone tell me WHEN I'm going to do homework. Or study for that stupid math test. I hate this week SO much and I can't wait until it's over. CAN'T. WAIT. I'm just going by the minute. Ahhhhhhhh!!!! I want it over!!! I just hate awful weeks like these....gah. Heaven help me.

~Jenny

P.S. Me and my Short Little Asian Friend made a bet to talk in an English accent all day. I did, minus 3rd period (I forgot) and lunch (she said there was a truce). Now the truce is off. Until tonight, then I'm free to speak as an American again. :D

Really?

Am I chopped liver or something? I just feel like my friends are suddenly rather...occupied in the opposite gender. Whether it's My Twin or Broda...they seem kinda taken away. And I kinda miss THEM. Like Broda for instance. Always with his girlfriend, and I just miss my best friend. I'm sick of their lovey-doveyness, all right!? SICK OF IT. And honestly, I'm jealous because they have something that I don't have. And it looks like I'll never have. You know, this week kinda just sucks in general. Can't wait until it's over. Then the concerts are over. I might need to go skiing with a friend this weekend...anyone who cares to listen...

~A very tired Jenny

So...marching band...

So today after school I had marching band. Honestly I wasn't all that excited. I mean, it's not exactly FUN to be in such pain ALL the time, not being able to play, and not being able to talk to some friends because they're a) busy with others and b) not in your section. Ahh well. We only played for about 15 minutes, so it was only 15 minutes of badness. Marching wasn't too bad, though I felt like an idiot marching without my mellophone. It's like walking naked. People are probably wondering "Why does that one girl not have her instrument?" WELL, THAT'S A LONG STORY. And i just hate it...

So. The next step is acupuncture (sp?). Umm...NOT looking forward to that? I'd rather NOT be stabbed by these Asian people who I can't understand because of their heavy accents (not being racist, honestly) when they're holding 2 foot long needles that they like to settle into my skin. That's not my #1 on my 'Ways to Relax' list. I'm not sure what to do next. And now marching in GENERAL is up in the air. My mom is iffy about the whole switching instruments, because the sousaphone might not be much better. But a SOUSAPHONE...oh man that would be so cool though...anyway. So if I can't do the field, I'm stuck in PIT. I'm sorry, the pit doesn't look fun. Yeah, I learn another instrument, but i'm not MARCHING, I'm not learning DRILLS, we're not doing SETS, we're not stuck in the blazing heat with our binders held up, frozen in usually an uncomfortable position, sweltering under the unforgiving sun while the band director/drum major checks our spots, no #2 bus (?!?!?!!?)...That's what MAKES marching band a marching band. Those tiny things. And having all of those taken away...what? It just can't happen. And I might just have to suck it up and get THROUGH the pain and do it anyway because I don't think I could manage without being on the field.

Hey, my math teacher actually gave us credit on our homework!! :D What are the odds.

Just so you know, I have concerts all this week so I might not be writing much. In fact, I must go eat dinner in a few minutes, I gotta be in choir attire and out of the door by 6:15ish. Orchestra tomorrow, band/jazz band Thursday. Solo-palooza tonight and Thursday. Please pray. :]

It's so beautiful out today, isn't it? I love it. Thank God for sunlight. I missed it. :P

~Jenny

I hate Mondays.

Seriously. Mondays suck. So much. First off, with my pretty little math teacher who gave the ENTIRE class no credit on the math homework (which, btw, I spent about 2 hours working on Friday afternoon) because a few people didn't show their work. "Well how do I know that you're not cheating and copying the answers from someone else?" Well, in case you didn't see the 3 pages I used to show all of my work and equation-ness, I'll show you once again. So that never does me good. Rest of the day was decent, won my debate (at least SOMETHING good happened), band and jazz band was awful as usual just because we suck. My mom pulled me out of 8th period early so I could go to an allergist appointment. And THERE was where the fun started.

So he pricked me once to see if I would react to anything, and I didn't. So that was out of the way. Then we came upon the dreaded subject--my back. Oh man. So, pretty much, to make it short, he said that we can't fix it. Like 'take some Tylenol' when it hurts. LIKE. WE. HAVEN'T. TRIED. THAT. Medicine doesn't even work anymore. We've been to 2 physical therapists (released by both because they didn't know what else to do), one massage therapist, that electrocuting dude (forget what he's called), a chiropractor and we are in the middle of being with another chiropractor (thinking of dropping it since it's not helping). So. Nothing left to do. He said that since it's not limiting my motion, it's not that big of a deal. I guess he just FORGOT that it's limiting my ENTIRE LIFE. Oops, I missed that TINY detail. Really...what did I do to deserve this? If God is trying to tell me something, okay, okay, I get it. Joke's on the innocent blonde, i guess! Haha! Funny! Ruin my life for about 3 years! Tehee! I hope that tickled your side, Lord. I can just SEE Him up there...

Oh, look, Jenny wants to go into music when she's older. -boom- HA! Now she will experience excruciating pain every time she sits down at a piano bench.

Ahh, i can see that Jenny enjoys track. -CRACK- Now it will hurt when she RUNS! Oh darn, she has to give up track, too? What a shame. Haha. I amuse myself.

...few years go by...

Ooh, Jenny wants to do mellophone in marching band. -BOOM- Too bad, now she can't do that either. Her back hurts her too much. I don't know if I'll let her do it this upcoming year yet, I don't know. Should I put her out of her misery? But I'm having so much fun up here...

YEAH. Me too God.

The doctors aren't helping. They all say 'I have the cure! I can fix you!' Then my mom gets all excited, chanting "This is it, Jenny! This is it!" I've grown accustomed to NOT getting excited at all and not expecting anything out of any doctor because that's how it's been for 3 years.

If my back was a person, they would be bound and gagged, their body on the bottom of some sort of ocean, their throat ripped from me strangling it, their ears deaf from me screaming.

On THAT note, I'll go do my math homework.

Hate Mondays.

~Jenny

Happy Mother's Day!!!

I hope YOU did something good to your mommy. I woke up around 6:30 to whip up a batch of blueberry pancakes. When i was at Walmart with My Twin yesterday, we stopped by at Giant's to get a can of blueberries. (Now i could have gone fresh, but i didn't feel like spending 10 dollars on a quarter pound of blueberries smaller than peas). My mom was very appreciative :D I spent all of last night wrapping her gifts (which happens to be a hankin food processor--that took QUITE a while to wrap, had to use 2 different wrapping papers and post-it notes to cover up the box) and baking miniature pies. Labor of love, right there.

Today has gone really well. It's just so...nice out. And sunny. Breezy. BEAUTIFUL!!! Get off of your butt and go relish in the sun for a little! It's GREAT! I'm trying not to think that I have school tomorrow, and we'll just be sucked back into that cycle of work, stress, tests, finals, maybe a laugh now and then. I depend on weekends. They are my LIFE. Oh, and on top of this, I have 3 concerts this week. Chorus concert Tuesday. Am I prepared? Mostly...i just hate that 25 page long Beatles Medley. It's rather annoying. At least I'll be done practicing it in 2 days. Wednesday is the orchestra concert. WE'RE GONNA SUCK!!! Just saying. I don't understand why the orchestra director says that we sound 'lovely' and 'fantastic' when half of the orchestra is still bewildered on how to play an eighth note. Thursday is the band concert. I think we're gonna do well at that. We just have to live with the crunch-time-I'm-so-stressed-out band director for a while. ;] We'll manage.

Sundays. I love them. Go lay in the grass or something (unless you're highly allergic like me. Then I would avoid the grass at all times). Just go outside and love nature. Love God. It's rather easy when you see what He's created.

-Jenny

Tadaaaa!

Hey, what do you know? I convinced my mom of letting me have a blog! Of course, there are some restrictions, such as 'I can't be on for more than 1/2 an hour, I have to have 'appropriate' stuff on here' (darn, I guess I'll HAVE to rid of my profanity posts I had ready to put on...) stuff like that. But for now, this seems like fun. This is the beginning of the life and doings of a nicht-sehr-average teenage girl.

WARNING: There may be some spilling-of-guts when my brain is about to burst, so be prepared. If you don't like it, then don't read it. Simple as that. :D

-Jenny