Get Real.

"Get real! That college is out of your league. Be real! That girl is way to pretty for you. Get real! You're never play on that team, get that part, make that band, get that job. How many times have we heard these expressions? How many times have we used them ourselves? It was hard for me, for so many years, to see who I really was. Why is this so hard to do? Why is it so hard to face ourselves? One reason...The enemy, Satan, likes it this way. The enemy tries to plant seeds of deceptions, pain, sinfulness...of self hate instead of acceptance of God's love for us. Another reason...it's painful for us to see who we really are. It was for me. It was a lot easier to think I was important, talented, bright, nice, blah, blah, blah... than to see my insecurities, inadequacies, and needs, let alone address them. The best way for us to face ourselves...to be real with ourselves...is to remember, as Christians, we are constantly clothed in Jesus' robe of righteousness. God knows exactly what sins, weaknesses, and blemishes we try to hide underneath that faultless garment of salvation that covers and erases all. And He rejoices over you with singing...just imagine that...God singing over you!"

Just a little something. I most definitely struggle with it. And maybe you readers do too. Just think about that.

~j

VOTD:

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

Thoughts.

Hurray for Black Friday. Hurray for racing frantically through parking lots to avoid getting hit and being run over by women with strollers.

So I was at the mall today and a few things hit me. First, I was in a store and was looking at a shirt, which had a little sticker saying "As seen on cool people". First off, that's lousy advertising and is lacking real creative thought. Second, that's pathetic. Really? As seen on COOL people? Who are the COOL people? The rich ones, the ones who can afford the huge brand names, the ones that can color their hair and brighten their teeth artificially, is that what our culture calls COOL? Besides that it's killing your body doing all of that crap it's just the surface. I won't be a Sunday school teacher and say 'it's what's on the inside that counts' but that IS the truth. Are they cool because they have cold hearts that are yearning for something REAL and all they can do is turn to bleach and nail polish to improve their outer beauty? Just stupid.

My heart hurts. I'm just not very happy. Probably another one-on-one with God again tonight.

I guess you lose the friends that bring you down and you turn to those that make your life better.

Thanksgiving.

Plenty in the stomach, plenty on the heart.

Sick of (lack of) wisdom teeth and their achiness...I had to put my turkey in the blender. It kinda sucked.

Hi Anonymous people,

-So you're keeping me alive right now. You are the one that makes me smile every day, whether it's your emails or your texts or you standing at my front door. Your spontaneous acts of kindness or visits make me feel like I'm actually worth something. And you know, I never felt that before, really. It's nice. Thank you. You put me in a better mood whether I like it or not. You encourage me. Please don't stop, because without you I think I'd break.

-Don't worry. They're all wrong. Sometimes you're in the wrong place at the wrong time, but your heart is in the right place. I'm here for you.

-Get away. Just leave. I've tried. I do love you, but you are making this life I lead so hard.

It's a good night to play my guitar so hard that the strings break. Tonight, I thank God for music.

~j

In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Thessalonians 5:18

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

Ezekiel 36:26

:]

I made district choir. I am so excited. This part of life is looking up.

~j

ugh.

This is upsetting. All of this crap. All the stress. Yes, Jenny, welcome to honors classes in high school. They are no longer walks in the parks. I hate drama. I hate girls that like boys. More like obsess. And don't share them as friends. I mean really. I don't think I have a bigger pet peeve. It drives me so crazy. oh my word. I hate when people don't forgive each other. I hate when people hold grudges against each other. I hate when other peoples' drama suddenly becomes YOUR drama because you throw yourself in the middle of the chaos. I hate unhappy families. I hate feeling like you have no where to turn. I hate that I can't see God. I hate how I can't just call Him up on the phone and just ask what he has in store to explain these messes. I hate people that just put themselves down just so they can get compliments from others. Lamesauce.

I really really hate missing you so much.

I hate being so away from you.

I hate that I can't talk to you 24 hours a day. And I swear I would make you cookies every hour.

~j

It's Over.

Mid November. It could possibly be known as the worst time of year. Marching band season is OVER. It's done. And that's really sad. It's the seniors last show. It's my last marching show, which kills me to think about. And a lot of people are saying 'well if you believe Jenny, your back won't be as bad.' Yes, I wish. That's not the problem, unfortunately. The problem is I am not ALLOWED to do marching band next year (unless I get drum major). I am not marching another show in my life, unless my back miraculously gets better and I can do mellophone again in a college band. That hurts to think about.

So yesterday was our last Saturday practice. Natalie came up to me and just said "I'm sad." I hugged her and we both started wailing. It's so bittersweet. But nevertheless, we were SO focused and ready to kill the other bands there. I was never so excited. Quite the whirlwind of emotions. We did a run-through (the staff left so it was just for US) and it was so incredible. Katie started crying while conducting. To be honest I was crying too. It's so sad. I mean, we may NOT be Atlantic Coast Championships. We may have not gotten the highest score. We may not be ginormous and we may not have the best staff in the world, but you know? We are a FAMILY. And I know loads of bands that are lacking that. I wouldn't trade Big Red for the world.

Anyway, champs. It was amazing, we never played so well. Still, we got last but I couldn't care less. We did get best percussion out of all of the other bands. :] That was fantastic. I'm just so happy. I don't give a rip of what those stupid judges think because they don't know what they're talking about. We had the best darn show ever and I couldn't ask for anything more.

So now I'm back to my normal life of homework and practicing. Beauty and the Beast auditions on Tuesday, district choir on Saturday. Here we go.

~j

Rainy weekends. Figures.

So of course we have champs tomorrow and we got rained out tonight at our game. It's kinda likely that we'll be doing a standstill tomorrow. Fan. Tastic.

Not much to say. Well actually loads to say, but this isn't very confidential. I believe a bible and my guitar is in order tonight. Maybe for...oh...3 hours or so. Clear my mind or something.

~j

I was pretty patient.

So I finally had my Rachel day yesterday. We wanted it to be a sleepover but we couldn't because my mom thought I would probably die from lack of sleep and whatnot with the flu still with me. So we just spent the afternoon together.

She came over and we just went straight to my room and we talked for about...2 hours. Just about life, heartaches, the happy things, that kind of thing. My word I missed that girl so much. So. Much.

So we ate dinner then walked to Dairy Queen. And had awkward moments with the girl that worked there because I know her from other things and she's not really a fan of me...AND RODE THE MERRY-GO-ROUND 6 TIMES. It was great. We got loads of looks, whether from little kids or the people working at DQ. We would get off of the merry-go-round, put the quarter in and then jump on as fast as we could. :] Fantastic.

So we walked home then tried to re-do our Bop to the Top routine (FAIL) and then just were crazy girls on 2,000 grams of sugar. Fantastic. Good night.

That's my Monday night. Today we're off. Erin and Hannah came over to work on our project...took about 2 hours...now they're gone. I cleaned my room finally and now i have no idea what to do. Perhaps practice. Yeah, probably practice. Chiropractor tonight. Wheeee.

Buh bye.

~j

VOTD:

But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.

Psalm 86:15