Thinking...

So I finally took a break from all of this English work I have to do, and this is just random thoughts that went through my head. When I say random, they have no connection whatsoever.

If you put a Sour Patch Kid into water, then take it out, will the sugar from the outside of the Kid dissolve into the water and make lemonade?

It's funny how I get such a desire to serve God, to love Him, to show him to the world...I think this is a sign.

You know, when people cry, whether it's because someone died or they're going through a rough time, WHATEVER the reason, why do they end up smiling and saying "Sorry..." and covering their face? Are they NOT sad anymore? Are they afraid to actually show the world what they actually feel? Why is it so simple for humans to let their happy-mask come up quickly? Why are they embarrassed about what they were just crying about? Are they concerned how they look? Honestly, when I cry (example: our last lovely competition when my back spazzed majorly), I just cried. I was WELL aware that my eyes were puffy and I was well aware by the end of the day my lip was so swollen and red (bleeding by the end...) from biting it. I kinda just...didn't care. Why do people really care THAT much about appearance that they swallow up what they're feeling to look nice? Is that what society wants? Unfeeling, apathetic Barbie dolls?

Corn syrup is really gross. The combination is corn syrup and sugar together is even worse. Really. It hurt my teeth. I learned this today.

I'm so ready to be better, really. I hate being sick.

I'm NOT A FAN OF MAKEUP WORK. My English teacher is out to KILL. ME. We have this huge project that was supposed to be with 2 people but she decided to give it to me solo. Gee, thanks, Mrs. T.

I'm very alone tonight. My family is gone. And I'm here doing work and watching Say Yes to the Dress. :[. Tomorrow's gonna suck.

I NEED TO GO WINTER SHOPPING. I NEED LONG SLEEVES ACTUALLY. I'm tired of being cold.

OH MY GOODNESS I'm going to miss Mike. A lot. Actually, I'm gonna miss all of the seniors...But Mike...yeah, I'll cry my eyes out when he leaves considering he's my brother and the boy that keeps me...'steady'...with our family, and my source of knowledge when it comes to my homework, and the boy that finishes my food and then has seconds, and the boy that plays saxophone at 10:30 PM when I'm trying to sleep and all of that. Don't go, seniors. You're all too nice. College is overrated.

My dog needs a bath. She smells.

I HEARD AN OWL TONIGHT. Pretty cool.

I'm cold. And tired. Gonna lay down.

That's pretty much it. Yep.

~j

My day suddenly rocks.

So obviously I was home again today, and I was near tears in frustration when I saw all of the stuff I gotta make up. It's really frightening. Anyway, my pants vibrate (hahaha :]) and it's Casey. It says "You made it to districts!!" I leap up and tell my mom. Then the phone rings and it's Natalie, telling me I made districts and she did too, as did Austen and Dan and pretty much all my friends. :] I WAS SO HAPPY. Right after that, Hannah comes (to pick up underarmor which I won't be using since I won't be at the game tonight...) and gives me a care package, consisting of 52 things to do when I'm sick, loads of books, crossword puzzles and stickers. Hannah, you rock. I LOVE YOU. You know exactly what to do. :]

My day suddenly looks a lot brighter. I'm so happy.

~j

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

Psalm 19:1

Quarantined. Eww.

I'm not a fan of not seeing the light of day. I go from the couch to my bed to the couch to here once in a while when my head isn't splitting apart. The shades are all drawn down and yuck. I pretended I was Harry Potter today and that Voldemort was coming to attack me. It amused me for about an hour.

This morning I was HIDEOUSLY AWFUL. Apparently I was green/gray this morning and my mom wanted to take me to the ER. :\ Eventually I fell asleep (after 3 Advils...) and eventually I got better. But my fever keeps going up. Very bad.

So no game or competition OR HALLOWEEN PRACTICE WHAT?!?!?!?! I'M SO DISAPPOINTED. Halloween practices are SO much funnn. And we were gonna be superheros....oh man I'm so sad. I think I should get in my marching band uniform on Saturday and just go around the house like that. I'm showing my spirit...in my own unique way :]. Let's go Big Red. <3

Gonna go night night. Or just rest. Either one. I'm not a fan of flu either.

~j

YUCK.

i HATE being sick. This is very very sick I'm talking about. I got the sore throat, the headache (more like a migraine...), the achiness, the hacking cough of an 80 year old smoker, the fever...gross. I hate being sick. And I hate thinking about all of the work I'm gonna have to make up. Boooo block scheduling.

Yesterday, after school I went to Liz's house with Erin/Hannah in order to work on this Global project we had to do. It's a filming one. Fun. I'm the news anchor/crazy doctor. Hannah L. used about 2 gallons of hairspray to make my hair crazy. It took forever to get it all out. :P I feel awful that I went to Liz's house, and then later find out I had a high fever and all. Sorry Liz. :[

I also had my district choir audition yesterday. I probably didn't do that well considering my circumstances. I wonder if she'll let me re-audition. Whatever...I may not have made it. Oh well.

I've been thinking a lot of about stuff. Shocking, right? :P And with all of this time I have to do it now. I read, I watch Say Yes to the Dress, I think, I sleep. Anyway...God. I love Him. But I was thinking...I'm not really LIVING my life for Him. After reading Susie some, it just amazed me how much I want to do a mission trip. I want to do it more than music. I miss Toronto, where I made such good bonds with these people I barely knew, how we would act and sing on the streets and let people either flip us off or applaud us for our boldness, how I learned that street people (aka homeless people) have hearts and a favorite color and family members. You don't think of them as anything except the people who sit on sidewalks unable to get a shower. I love them. They've made room in my heart this past summer. I WANT to do something about it. When Austen came over (and we ended up talking for an hour haha), we talked about this kind of thing. I think THAT'S what I want to do with my life. I want to serve God. I WANT to make a difference in someone else's life. So...yeah. Just something I was thinking about. :]

I'm probably going to sleep now. Or read. Or something. I hate being sick.

~j

VOTD:

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Romans 12:2

Quick blurb...

I have about 8 minutes and then Austen is coming over so we can practice districts together. We're both scared out of our minds...well at least I am.

So today I had allergy shots but had a really bad reaction. I got hives, the inside of my ribs tickled (like a chocolate allergy reaction times ten thousand) and my throat was all gross and i couldn't stop coughing and i wasn't very happy. Anyway the doctor injected me with adrenaline to help the reaction. And now i can't stop shaking. Guess who's not sleeping tonight. :P

That's all. Pretty decent day, my back is on fire. This sucks.

Whatever.

~j

VOTD:

So that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us;

Acts 17:27

A venting/appreciation session before I practice my booty off for the recital.

Hello anonymous,

I really think that venting out somewhere is good. It's not good to keep things bottled in. I'm not a fan of speaking face to face with my problems, so I think vaguely exploding here is just better. Obviously no names, that's wrong. Just want to get out what I've been thinking about. Hereeee we go.

Okay, really, I can't wait until you go. I try SOOOO hard to get along with you, to give you the benefit of the doubt, to give you excuses for your actions and honestly it is no longer working. You don't deserve what you get. Maybe I do love you, maybe I do care when you run off to get attention because I don't want you dead. You're just making this so much harder than it has to be. I'm bending over backwards just to try to live with you and not go crazy. Now it's your turn.

I do still love you. I know that priorities change. It's okay. I just gotta accept that it won't be the same.

I love you. I miss you. And I know you miss me. We need time in a bottle. I'd open it up right now so we could catch up again. It would probably take over 48 hours to catch up. We could bake again, we could relearn our dance to HSM, we could catch up and spill our hearts again. I still remember that day I sat in your empty family room with you as our parents packed up your house and I thought of everything that would change. Whether this was for the better, I'll never know. But I know I have been changed for good.

Thank you for keeping me alive. And helping me with my homework every night. And how you're almost willing to help. :] Don't go. Please. Just stay here. College is overrated.

You rock. Feel free to live in my mailbox as we planned it to be. I will bake you brownies every day. I can't imagine junior year without you here with me.

You have taught me so much, whether it's how to rotate my wrists on the keys or how to love. You have changed my life. You push me to tears but remind me of the reward at the end. You helped make my dreams look possible. Thank you.

I do feel better. Now I'm off to practice.

~j

VOTD:

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

2 Corinthians 3:18

TGIF? Not so much.

So I believe this was the suckiest Friday of my entire life. High school is not fun. It's not a barrel of monkeys in the slightest way. BLAH.

So let's start with global studies. ugh. We had a sub today and crazy boys + fridays = chaos and we get nothing done. so we didn't do much that class. Watched a movie about Mao and how he killed millions of people and yet people kissed the ground he walked on. Interesting story.

Band. As usual, sucky. I did well on the test we did. It SHOULD be for the elementary kids it's so easy...but whatcha gonna do. This batch of freshmen honestly don't care about anything. Why marching band is SO. DARN. FRUSTRATING.

Orchestra was fine. As usual. Then EOP came along.

So during EOP (for non-Souderton peeps: 20-25 minutes to do whatever needs to be done, like visit a teacher for help, just hang out, do homework, etc.) So a friend of mine and I went to practice for districts in the practicie room. And I sang. And she basically said that I was bad. Well actually she DID say I was bad. She said that I was 'flat' and how my jump from Db to F was not good. I held my tongue though I would have loved to scream 'Hi, i'm the girl with perfect pitch. I think I know what i'm doing.' But WHAT.EVER. Natalie heard it too and said that it was fine. Just the situation...It bugged me. A LOT. Right when i thought i was prepared...UGH. That insulted me a lot. Natalie flipped out when she heard what this friend said....whatever.

Lunch stinks. I want my old lunch table. So. Badly.

Honors English...got a C- on a pop quiz. lovely.

Biology...down to an 83%. Even more lovely.

Band. Did a run-through in the rain and wind I HATE WIND SO MUCH. GAHHH Rachel and I were standing with one leg back when we had holds. It was awful. Then we ate, packed up and went to north penn for the game. Homecoming + north penn + our wimpy football team (though we HAVE been winning) = disaster. Anyway we warm up (meanwhile, Mike cannot find his shako and garmet bag (containing gloves) and piccolo player Caitlin forgot her piccolo so she had to stand at attention while we performed) and then we end up doing a STANDSTILL which aren't fun. And yeah. Then we came home. And i lost my beret. And my gloves, if I didn't mention. I wore Alyssa's. GAHHHH. I'll just go to bed now, this day must end.

Whitehall comp, at noon tomorrow, homeshow at night. 'Repoitoire' (sp?) on Sunday, church on sunday, youth group. Somewhere there squeeze in reading The Fall of the House of Usher, a lab report and research on the chicken flu. YUM.

~j

Happy Tuesday.

So it's tuesday, meaning it's almost saturday!!! Hahahah we established this at the bus stop with Jess and Julia. :P Good day, not much work, lots of time to think just about things coming up. I have districts next week. Auditions for Mrs. Washam, that is. ...I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly. (well, besides wanting to become drum major, but that's besides the point.) I'm working SO much on those 2 songs, every EOP i'm working with Natalie on it or I'm working on it by myself in the practice rooms. I did it for about 40 minutes today, going between the recording on Youtube to the piano. I just really want to make it and show people that I can sing and it sounds decent.

Okay, gotta stop now. Mike needs compy. Goodbye.

~j

My Friday night off. :D

So WE DIDN'T HAVE PRACTICE OR A GAME LAST NIGHT because of the weather...I don't know why not. We could have worked on music. But whatever. WE HAD A NIGHT OFF. I came home, changed out of my fancy attire (WESTCHESTER TODAY!!!) and practiced for districts, the recital i have in...8 days (wow. OH and mr. blick assigned a 2nd movement of HAYDN, MIND YOU, and wants it completed and perfect by next sunday. keep in mind i still have marching band and all of those choirs so WHEN ON EARTH AM I TO PRACTICE I DON'T KNOW. oh well...i'll try my best.), and then diana (aka mommy) came over. We watched some jon and kate plus eight, then made frosting for cupcakes we were to make later, then went to my room and just talked about life and marching band and whatever was on our hearts. :] i love her. she's a tough cookie. anyway, natalie came later and it as PRETTY AWESOME. she burst into my room and we then pretended to be inch worms and went down a flight of stairs into my family room on our stomachs. it was SO funny. SO SO funny. After that, we watched some Phillies (I found out that Natalie actually likes the Phillies) and then ate dinner (chicken, mashed potatoes, beans/corn (which for some reason natalie found amazing) and applesauce.) After this, Diana and I made cupcakes while Will (Natalie's boyfriend) came over and played Apples to Apples with all of us. Baking and playing Apples to Apples at the same time is not an easy task. Later on, we listened to Don't Stop Believin' by the Glee people and we were SCREAMING it so loudly. So much fun. Then Diana put me in Cookie Boot camp because I am unable to make chocolate chip cookies. No lie. They NEVER come out right. They're either raw or burnt and always flat like a pancake. Even more, Diana tried to do the recipe and they too came out burnt and flat. So something is extremely wrong. My house is lacking cookie power. :P

Anyway, we took Natalie and Diana home around 10 o'clock, and we're all sleeping on Diana's shoulder. It's pathetic how one week of school can knock you out completely.

So yes. I came home around 10:30ish, Facebooked until 11ish, went to bed, woke up at 7:30 to help with my brother's senior project which we're performing at Rockhill tomorrow. :D Super nervous but really excited.

HURRAY FOR RAINY DAYS FOR MARCHING BAND PRACTICE. And the wind is supposed to be 30 mph. FANTASTIC. Fiberglass sousaphone is equivalent to wearing a parachute. I fell down so many times during windy practices...and now we're performing. Great.

SO awesome day yesterday. I love friends.

~j

VOTD:
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

John 8:12

Wow what incredible weather for a Thursday.

So yes the rain is PRETTTTTY depressing outside. It's freezing too. But in Austen's words, it's...refreshing. I must admit it is refreshing. :]

School. BLAH. BLAH LIFE. Blah everything right now. Not very happy, I gotta admit. I miss people beyond belief, and just this fakeness isn't very fun. Maybe this is God's test on me saying that I should just go solo. It can be done. Maybe that's the next step. Sure. Whatever works. :P

~j

VOTD (verse of the day):

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Ephesians 6:16

Yay procrastinationnnnn!...again.

Yeah I'm procrastinating again. Woot. :D I have to read Act I of the Cruicible and I gotta practice for districts and the recital and French horn just in general so...yeah.

Today. WE GOT OUT EARLY. I love early days. I was very excited. I went home with LeeLee and we ate ham sandwiches. How fun! And then we just talked about life and school stuff in general. It's been quite a while since we've done that. It felt pretty good. Then I read her story that she's thinking of publishing and I was marveling at home amazing is. BTW. If I didn't mention. There is a huuuuuuuuuge possibility that LeeLee and I are going to Germany for a mission trip. Can you say HOLY COWABUNGA THAT'S AMAZING. I'm insanely excited. Just...we need details. Very badly. ;] We haven't gotten anything yet except the date. My mom was pretty against it in the first place because we would leave in the beginning of June and I'd miss school, but it's pretty much the stupid stuff and whatnot. OH. My word. I just realized that I'd be missing my brother's graduation.......ohhhhh dear. Ohhhh ddddear. Oh well. I'll think about something to do for that.

Anyway after that, Hannah came over later and helped wrap Eva's gift which was American Girl doll stuff that LeeLee doesn't use anymore. After that, they went for their permit (and both got them, i was very happy for them) and then we went to Wawa and got coffee. Well I got coffee, me, being the mature and sophisticated one. LeeLee and Squinty got milkshakes. How immature. hahaa. fun. Anyway pretty good day. Tonight my family is ACTUALLY GOING OUT TO EAT WHICH NEVER HAPPENS. It's only happening because it's part of a project I'm doing. I have to write a review about an Eastern Asia Restaurant (aka Yantze) and talk about the atmosphere of the place, how it's decorated, how the food is served, etc. It sounds like fun. The best project I've ever gotten. :]

OHHHHHH. SO this Sunday me and Mike are going to go perform at Rockhill for his senior project and I'm singing jazz. I am EXTREMELY excited. We practiced last night and might I add we sounded pretty spankin' good. :] Yay.

Anyway I MUST go now. I have to finish homework and practice. Goodbye.

~j

Oh the memories we make.

Oldies but goodies. <3

Procrastination...it's great.

So I'm supposed to be writing a huge essay on Lord of the Flies vs. Transcendentalism for Honors English but YOU KNOW...stuff is on my mind and I think I'll write about it. I'm gonna try to go back to my blog because I have that pressure in my heart again when I can't say what I'm thinking because of the people around me. So I'll just spill to my lovely little blog here where people I may know or people I may not know can read about my life. Fantastic.

Gahh. Just life is SO pressure-y right now. Honors english, honors global, biology, and then advanced and show choir and then districts coming up and then jazz band and orchestra and concert band and the musical and marching band and piano recitals every month...AHHH! It's CRAZY! These are the times I can't wait for marching band season to be over so I can bring my grades back up.

Friends. I love a lot of them. They rock. The kind when we stop at a stop sign and explode out of the car and do Chinese fire drills. Or the friends that have staring contests with my dog. Or the ones that I can say absolutely ANYTHING to (ex world domination) and talk about it for hours upon end. And then the friends that I love dearly but I think they have forgotten my existence by other people they care for more. It's...so sad. Or the friends that are moving out of the state in the very near future. Or have moved. Or are homeschooled. I canNOT imagine life without them. I LOVE THEM. I can't live without friends. Please stay with me. I need them now more than ever before.

Boys. WHAT'S UP WITH THEM?! I'm single. I do not like anyone, nor have I for quite a long time. I'm completely happy. Why do they toil with girls' minds so much? I DON'T GET IT. They can leave any time. They steal my friends. They turn their worlds upside down. They drive them bananas and into hideous cycles. Just STOP. All right?! Just go away.

I've been thinking about marching band so much. So many people hate it this year, some love it. Many people are quitting because of other people. That's very sad. At times I want to quit from frustration, at other times I'm so ready to go for drum major. (Thoughts on that?) We may be a kinda small band, we may not have the best drill writers or directors that don't seem to care, we may not have any money in our organization besides donations, but we as a band can do some pretty incredible things. Our situation is not like many other bands. While some people complain that we suck, all right. If you have something negative to say, you know where the door is. Let's go Big Red. <3

Anyway. I guess I should go back to this little essay of mine.

~j

Verse of the Day:
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

Proverbs 16:3