Oh GOODNESS.

NO. ONE. IS. AROUND. Really. I mean, Ally's at camp all day on all weekdays, Hananh's at the beach, Rachel's in Ohio, my cousins are at the beach...I'm going to go BANANAS. I'm just so alone. There is no one to talk to. I'm just having major down time, which is good but in MODERATION, not for 2 full weeks of summer. Oh bother. At least I've gotten to talk to Mike some. And honestly...I think I've taken the whole big brother thing for granted. Really...I can talk to him about A N Y T H I N G. Honestly we can cover every subject. And before I know it, he'll be going off to Harvard or another Ivy League school which he could afford with his smartness and he'll become famous while I'll be at home, a sophomore, bawling my eyes out but remembering the times we just got to talk about LIFE. I already miss him. I'll probably just hang out with him tonight. He's probably reading this and getting all embarrassed because he's a guy and he can't stand sibling love. But I LOVE YOU MIKEEEE. :D Besides, I already embarrassed you at that Winter Retreat when I said how much I love you in front of the entire youth group. :P

Okay, don't worry, we're not like PERFECT. We fight and all, but I do love him.

~j

In case anyone was wondering...

So I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore because everyone seems to have fallen off the face of the earth but OH WELL I can just talk to myself.

So anyway I quit Sophie's. It wasn't going hot. At ALL. I wasn't being paid for my training (so that was what...10+ hours of free labor? and that annoys me.), he seemed to ALWAYS have a bad taste for me (i'm going too slow (ON MY FIRST DAY), or i'm not smiling enough, i'm too clumsy (I don't blame him, I nearly broke the receipt machine and dropped the phone countless times with my leg)) and I just seemed to do everything wrong. So...I tried. On Saturday, I was in for 2 hours of 'training', which consisted of me following the waitress around and watching because SHE WOULDN'T LET ME DO ANYTHING...so Mr. Sophie's came up to me and pretty much said that this isn't the job for me. So I just said okay, left, tried not to cry (i'm too sensitive...) and later called and said that I quit. So. Oh well. I'll try something else.

BILLY MAYES IS DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. For those superstitious people that believe that famous people die in 3's (Farah whatever, MJ and now Billy Mayes) IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE. Shup it. And if you don't shup it, why don't you just fill in those cracks that might just break your mother's back, loser.

Anyone have any sleeping...techniques (for lack of words)? I've been having the WORST time falling asleep for a few days and at the moment I'm living on 6 hours every night and it's sucky.

~j

You Know...

Aren't summers supposed to be...fun? Because this is a rather sucky summer.

~j

Job Training...

So THIS MORNING I had my job training. :\ It was scary, yes, but I lived. So I got there around 11, and in the beginning I was watching the other girl work (there was only ONE waitress for ALL of those people!!) and how the cashier worked. Later, I started working at the cash register while Mr. Sophie/Julia (boss and worker) were telling me which buttons to push (mind you, this is all done on a computer). So I thought I did ALL RIGHT, but I messed up two times. (Would there EVER be a job without me messing up?!)

So the first time, this guy ordered something that was 34 dollars, and he gave me 35 dollars. So I put it into the cash register but accidentally put it in as 350 dollars and i was like AHHHHHHHHH and then Mr. Sophie(an annoyed Mr. Sophie, I'm afraid) fixed it for me, thank goodness. The other time, I was ripping off a receipt and apparently i ripped it the wrong way and the receipt machine went flying off of the cash register and I freaked out, thinking that Mr. Sophie was going to kick me out right then and there (thankfully, he didn't.) A few times I gave some food to people (10 DRINKS. ONE TRAY.AND I DIDN'T SPILL THEM THANKS TO MBAND AND ROLL STEPPING!!!). Unfortunately it wasn't paid work, but I have it tomorrow as well, so I guess I can manage. I'll probably ask him if I can start working soon (he told ME to tell him when I'm ready to work) and I'm getting a great idea how to work the cash register for people who come IN to eat, no idea how to do phone yet...anyway, I really really super duper hope that I got the job.

~j

Just kidding.

I lied, I'm gonna post more today.

I don't know if you guys are losers like me and LOVE to read but I've read/am reading some books that I LOVE and think that you guys should read too:

Searching for Alice by Melody Carlson
Looking for Cassandra Jane by Melody Carlson
Sweet Caroline by Rachel Hauck

I'll have some later, but I've read these in the past week and they're AMAZINGly good.

That is all.

~j

Only me...

So today (this morning, actually) I had to get a blood test. I hate them. Sure, I've had more than I could ever count (kudos to my multiple allergies and other sicknesses) but I still get nervous when they stab me. Anyway, they had to take...5 or 6 viles of blood, I lost count. I believe 3 of them were for the allergist, because he realized that there was no way on this earth that he could take my off of Zrytec and have me survive to do an allergy test (you know, the ones with the allergy stuff on the needle and they prick you to see how you react.) So he was going to test my blood on the allergy stuff. Anyway, the 2-3 other viles were for a physical and to see what is up with my thyroid (remember that? I posted about that a loooong time ago...)

ANYWAY. I got this really nice lady (who was rather sarcastic, kinda reminded me of me ;D) who was taking my blood and all. And there's this new thing that takes the blood out with barely any pain, it just takes longer. So ladidadidah, she pricked, she took blood, and then i started feeling ratherrrrr nauseous. She was telling us a story about raw nuts (don't ask) and I just quickly asked if I could go to the bathroom. So she lets me, and I walk to the bathroom as fast as I could (i had no desire to throw up in front of everyone) and then I got rather dizzy (probably from taking 1/3 of my bodily fluids, thanks a lot) and I hit the threshold of the bathroom door. ONLY ME. Anyway I didn't end up getting sick, thank goodness, but I kept getting those funny black dots all around every time I stood up. But I'm pretty sure it's from losing a lot of blood so quickly. ANYWAY I'm fine now. But it was kinda interesting. But I started feeling (once again) rather nauseous when I realized that I was hanging over a PUBLIC. TOILET. So when we got home, I washed my arms all the way up to my elbows in hot water and soap for quite a long time. I hope I don't get AIDS.

So that's my story. Tadaaaa.

TODAY, I'm going with my mom to Outlet Marketplace to find black work pants for Sophie's and then to Genesis, and then ACUPUNCTURE!!! Yippee. But hey, if it helps my back, I'll do it every day.

Oh. INSANEEEEEEEE times with Shorty on Friday night/Saturday. I'll make some highlights, but I don't know how to make the cool bullets...
-walking around the neighborhood listening to In the Heights
-SAME NAIL POLISH. SAME BRAND. EVERYTHING. SO CREEPY...YET SO COOL....
-singing for about...2 hours? with every piece of sheet music i owned (and REALIZING AGAIN HOW AMAZING YOUR VOICE IS LITTLE MISSY)
-trying to tell you about 'Have You Checked the Children' without you freaking out and lying about the end so you're all right. :P
-Hoedown Throwdown!!!!
-Determined to stay up past 3...didn't make it past 1.
-Gingersmush.
-Our AMAZING one-handed pancakes (and me failing to crack an egg with one hand)
I'm positive there are more, but I'll stop there.

Amazing insane spectacular times. And we MUST do that more often.

Last night, our cousins/grandparents came over to celebrate Father's Day with us. That is ALWAYS fun. I've forgotten how amazing it is to hang with my favorite cuzzs. :P ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY STALK MY FRIENDS ON AIM. YEAH I'M TALKING TO YOU. :P You guys make me laugh. A lot.

Mmm...I've had really good past few days recently. It's really nice to have.

OH! Flashbacking to yesterday...

-twilight zone music-....

So yesterday I had to walk the neighbor's dog b/c they're in California all week (hey, it's money, I'll take it) so ladidadidah, walking Lexi who is SUCH a cute golden retriever, and then she stopped somewhere. Like DEAD stopped. So I let her do whatever she was doing for a few seconds (which I believe was sniffing furiously at the ground) and I went to pull her to come and OF COURSE her leash hook snaps off and there's a shower of dog tags. Lexi gets all excited and jumps around (I guess because she realized that she's free? idk) so i dive for her collar and bring her with me as I search the street and grass for the multiple dog tags. Only me. This would ONLY happen to me. Oh bother.

But I found them, and thanks to my Dad and his pliers, everything's good w/ her collar. Hallelujah.

That's enough for one day.

~j

Job Interview

So it went well, I suppose. The manager showed me around, told me the system of stuff and whatnot. So NOW I have a training session Tuesday morning. Huh. I'm kinda scared, but oh well, I'll try my best.

Gotta do some sousy.

~j

AHHHH.

I have to leave soon for a job interview. In about 5 minutes, actually. PLEASE. PRAY. I am terrified and I'm hoping that I don't humiliate myself. I'm kinda scared but I'm trying not to come as scared because they can probably sense that...oh man. So...yep.I'll tell you how it goes when I come back.

~j

Vets.

So maybe it's because I have a) no life, b) i'm bored, c) my back is too sore to practice piano/sousy or d) all of the above that i'm going to write about our trip to the vet.
Today, my mom and I went to the vet with Shelby (don't worry, she's not sick, do not fret). This is always an adventure. We cannot go to the vet alone. SHELBY IS BEAST. She claws at the ground as if she fears it will disappear altogether, she pants like a rabid bear and slaps anyone (dog or human) with her tail which is going at...maybe 75 mph, more or less. We sat there for about 30 minutes, waiting...and waiting...meeting other dogs, terrifying other dogs, making people mad that our dog is not in a straight jacket but instead is clawing up the linoleum.
That's really all. Shelby shed enough fur to create a small animal and it was moving in waves (no lie) when people moved past. My mom was mortified. I thought it was hilarious. :D
So anyway, I'm going to read until my back is manageable. Toodalooooo.

~j

I'm a druggie?

So APPARENTLY the FDA is accusing Cheerios of being a drug. Let's see if I can find part of an article...

"The Obama administration is reversing course, thank goodness, and enforcing the law," he said. "Cheerios was the first target. We hope though the FDA under the Obama administration clamps down on misleading health claims by other food manufacturers as well.

At issue are two claims made by Cheerios on their cereal box.

1. "Cheerios is clinically proven to reduce cholesterol 4 percent in 6 weeks."

2. "Cheerios can help reduce the risk of coronary heart disease, by lowering the 'bad' cholesterol."

Both General Mills and the FDA declined to comment -- but issued statements saying the two sides were in negotiations over the claims that have helped make Cheerios America's best-selling cereal, amounting to one of every 8 boxes of cereal sold in the U.S.

General Mills is a titan of the food business with an army of lawyers. If the FDA can make it back down, others will follow."

WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?!?!!?!?!?

Oh goodness...

So today I went to Genesis to work out (where I heard about this crazy Cheerio thang) and now I'm home, gonna clean out my backpack, probably clean basement & do sousy/piano/voice stuff...SHORTY COMING OVER LATER TONITEEE. I'm uber excited. :D

~j

Going on a Harry Potter rant...

(anyone else cry when sirius died?)

Last day of School...con...

So yesterday was the last day of school. I'm surprised I didn't cry. But I think it will hit me pretty soon.
So we had the awards ceremony yesterday (I won the Band Director's Award :] and a $10 iTunes giftcard) and then we were free. I hugged almost everybody and just seeing all of my teachers...it's so sad, really. How next year we're going to a completely new school that no one has ever set foot in before. Rather intimidating. And really upsetting to me. I'd so much rather go to the old high school. Honestly, i don't care what new pretty expensive gadgets the new high school has. The old one has CHARACTER. I've gone to it for both of my brothers' events that happened there. And now they're just knocking the entire thing down. WHAT. A. WASTE. It really bothers me.

It's raining, it's pouring, i'm sick of the weather....yes i know that didn't rhyme....

So i got a MAJOR nose bleed yesterday. :P So I was at Giant's with Broda, Jeff-fu-fah, Squinty, Barbahh and Giant (am i forgetting anyone?) I was on the trampoline with Broda and of course, I tripped over him backwards, fell on my back and smashed my knee into my nose. OUCHIE. So i was a tad dazed and then i had the WORST bloody nose ever. It somehow got on my legs and arms and hair (I'm sorry if anyone here is squeamish) so I went inside and Squinty helped clean me up (thank you. :]) So now my nose is rather swollen and discolored, but THAT'S OKAY. It will fade. At least school's done. :P

So I had yoga this morning and that was fun. It's actually a huge workout. It reminds me of a 'How to do Plank in 568 different ways' class. I was SWEATING so either I'm realllllllllly out of shape or it's difficult (i'm hoping it's the 2nd option.) Came home, practiced piano/voice and I'm probably off to practice sousaphone and GAIN BREATH SUPPORT!!!! Which i need REALLLLLLLY BADLY!!!!

~j

Last day of school...

My Old Mellophone Buddy (front) and Glass (back) in Gym

Pretty little star we did in gym...

LOVE this picture! Bottom left: Squinty, Barbahh and Giant. Second row: Kullhanjean and elmo, top is Jeff-fu-fahhhh.

Pics

Hmm. Year almost over. Yep.

Only a few hours left. Hurray. Then I'm free.

I don't like this.

~j

Toronto skit practice

So at church, the Toronto team had a commissioning ceremony and after THAT my small group (consists of Broda, Talia, Olivia, and Mr. M-one girl couldn't make it) went to Olivia's house for skit practice. The skit that we're doing is this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0w39vErgIMM (just copy and paste into the bar at top).

So after watching this, I am the innocent one (hence why Broda has been calling me Innocent One) who gets pulled around by all of the sins. Broda is Jesus (how fitting?), Olivia/Talia/Lauren are sins, and Mr. M is Satan (in the back controlling the sins). So we practiced this OVER AND OVER again, and man I am getting beat up. When tug, they're pulling at my arms each and every way, then they throw me to the ground, then they kick and push and smack me when they circle me, then they drag me back (it's not faking, they are ACTUALLY dragging me across the floor.) And then Jesus comes, the sins fall, then Satan gets the sins back up, they fall again, then there's another game of Tug of War with Jesus and Satan. I'm the tug-of-war item. :P So..I'm kinda bruised. Oh well. It was GREATTTT. We're having practices every Sunday until Toronto comes. :D I'm so excited.

So now...no one is home except Brian, everyone else is at yet ANOTHER graduation party (person i don't know...) so i'm stuck home. I'll probably go swimming.

~j

P.S. I ate a brownie. I feel uber rebellious. I'm already kinda itchy...but it was worth it. Whatcha gonna do about it.

I'm back. And bored.

I'm back. Again.

So after talking with Shorty, I ran outside. Sounds weird. But there's quite a lot swimming in my brain so I went outside (yes, it was raining and thundering) and just walked to the creek. And...stood there. Yep. That's how I relieve stress. :P After freezing outside (I was only in a tank and shorts, mind you) I went to play piano and sang my heart out (yes, with strep. Whatcha gonna do about it.) After that, I did sousaphone for about 1/2 an hour. I. Love. Sousaphone. Like...i'm sorry mellophone, but it doesn't even compare to how awesome sousy is. Oh mannn. I love it. I'm so excited to learn everything. So excited.

So in conclusion, music relieves stress. A lot. And it rocks. A lot.

Just saying.

~j

Bored...and home alone...

It's thunderstorming outside so I can't run, Brian and Kristie are at dinner (yes, they like eating early), and no one is on AIM, I don't have a facebook to play with, I already cleaned by room, I did piano, I can't do sousy b/c of strep...it hurts enough to breathe, let alone blow my lungs out into a marching tuba...

Going on a palooza again.

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Saturday...

Rargh. Still sick. I hate strep.

So today...I went through my room, getting rid of some old clothes, majorly cleaned it (noticing that I, in a way, am a packrat), played piano, went to Walmart/Genesis/the bank with my mom (yes, and I am sick. Hope I didn't breathe on anyone...). So after school, probably on Thursday, I am to start yoga at Genesis. I am rather excited. My mom and I went to get a mat at Walmart (it's hot pink. Very unlike me, but it was the cheapest one, and we're trying our best to cut corners).

So i was going through my jewelry, amidst my sunglasses and Gudu pops and pennies I did science experiments on, I noticed that my jewelry is so messed up. There are so many knots in it and many pieces are broken. So I took a wine bottle out of the recycling bin and made it into a bracelet holder (reuse, recycle, right?). It's drying right now. I painted it. :D

I'm gonna be home alone tonight. Brian and Kristie are going out tonight and the rest of my family is going to a graduation party. My parents are friends with the grad's parents, and Mike is a friend of the grad. And I am a stranger of the grad. I'd rather not stand there awkwardly. I'd rather be here in the comfort of my home, play piano and sousy, watch What Not to Wear and Jon and Kate Plus 8. (Oh, their story is so sad...)

(Hope I get to talk to you later.)

~j

ALL RIGHTIE.

Now that I know how to put in a picture, I'm going to have a iconator/google palooza.

I'm home.

Yes, it's a little early. Why, you ask? I got pulled out of school for a doctor's appointment (3RD. TIME. THIS. WEEK.) so they could check up on my throat. And yep, they're pretty sure it's strep. FAN. TASTIC. I don't WANT to be sick!!! My mom DID say that I will be feeling better by tomorrow (they put me on meds) so that's a good sign.

So you know, when you go to the doctor's for some throat problem, they do a throat culture. Throat cultures do NOT agree with me. The lady ask me to put my head back so she could put that swabby thinger down my throat (isn't THIS lovely?) and when she got close my reactions got the best of me and I pulled back. So then she forced my head against the wall (no Jenny was harmed in the making of this throat culture) so i couldn't move anymore. So she got the back of my throat and was getting...idk whatever the doctor's get...on the stick and my legs just kicked out and one leg hit her...and the other just flipped out. SO. I'm Jenny. I'm a freak. I hate the doctors...anyway I have to get a blood test on Monday (for three things, isn't that spectacular?) because the nurse noticed that my thyroids are bigger than usual. Idk what this means, but my mom said that I might have hypothyroidism, which would explain the pure exhaustion I get a lot of the times. Hmm. Yet ANOTHER thing on my plate. I bet God's up in heaven, screaming "HELLO??! I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!!!" I just don't know what that is.

Oh. I got my science final back. 78%. OUCH? I studied for that thing for 2 weeks and I can't even get a B?????? On the bright side, I still have 7 extra credit points to put on it from participating in class and that extra test we could do for more extra credit...so I could probably get it up to a B. But that took me in for a shock. Whoa.

I still gotta practice SOUSAPHONEEEEEE and PIANOOOOO today. I cant wait....

~j

One more day...

Tomorrow is our LAST final. I can't believe it. Today was quite a struggle to get through. Last night there was a...family crisis...so I didn't get to bed until about 1, wake up a little after 5:30. I wasn't exactly what you call...'ready' to take the finals with with barely 4.5 hours of sleep under my belt. I also didn't have coffee because I didn't think that butterflies (from final nerves) and coffee would mix well. So all natural. I barely wore any makeup either, I was positive I would be rubbing my face all day (and I did.) So I made it through the finals (math was a joke, science, actually surprisingly slightly difficult) and I just wanted to CRASH. But no, we had to do German tongue twisters in German class. Woot. It doesn't help that I might have strep throat or an ulcer or SOMETHING in the back of my throat; I can't talk without wincing. It's actually ironic. I love piano/french horn, give it up for back. I find that I have a decent voice and go for voice lessons, sore throat/cold the time before, now this. What's next.

OH. So today I had piano lessons with Mr. B. Oh I love that man to DEATH!!!!! Even his home is just so welcoming and calming. Like I walk in there and always take a HUGE breath. It just smells old and homey...oh man I love him. I had a 35 minute lesson (new record!! though i was at the point of my spine snapping in half) with him, and he fixed some things, he encouraged me...it was great. It's these kind of lessons that make me think that I actually might have a talent in piano. And...that's really cool. I love him. I love piano.

We canceled my voice lesson (JUST TODAY'S LESSON: some people need some clarification cough cough SHORTY) because whatever is wrong with my throat. I kinda wanted it today, but I doubt that it would have gone well with this problem. RARGH.

One more day, then the weekend.

~Jenny

I got 7 minutes...

So i have seven minutes until i have to go to my bus stop and go to school. Happy Wednesday!! We've made it through most of the week. But this is the day finals start. OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR. I studied for...i don't know how many hours...last night for history and german, so i feel SUPER DUPER prepared for that. Math and science, not so much. English, psh, bring it on. I got an 100% on the other part...so even if i DO bomb this, i'll be fine.

So. Marching band tonight. I'm not sure what instrument I'll be playing. Or if I even DO play an instrument today. I dont even know how to play a sousaphone, and mellophone is too painful. I might just sit there and finger it? Maybe, i'll talk to Goatee.

Why do I get the sense that something tonight will NOT go well?...

OH. Ultrasound today for whatever is on my neck. Please pray, I'm rather frightened...

~j

Mondays. Hurrayy.

Hallo. Congratulations on getting through a Monday! And it's the last hard-full-of-work Monday this entire year...until we're sophies. Scary thought. And my brother will be a SENIOR next year. Life is going way too fast. I will bawl when my brother leaves. I can't even think of him leaving actually. It's too...wow. Scary.

So today. Math, of course. I pretty much lived at my teacher's desk, asking so many questions. I also came down 7th period to ask even MORE questions. So right now, I'm feeling decently confident with what we need to know for the final. (It's on Thursday.)

English, we watched the new Romeo and Juliet. Haha very interesting. It's SO weird...all 'modern' with old English talking (old English, right?)

Science was science. Kinda normal. Same as German. Gotta study both still.

Half of lunch I spent thinking of math and writing down questions I have. Is it possible to have dyslexia in ONE subject? If so, I must have an awful case of it in math. It seems like NOTHING can click in my head when it comes to numbers and equations and polynomials -shudders-.

History, boring. I'm ready to ace that thing. :D

7th, I went to math to ask more questions. That went well.

I went to Jeff-fu-fahs after school with gang minus Broda. We got slightly distracted in our studying, but I was able to do it (AND paint my nails neon yellow and neon green while studying more history and math). Haha fun times. I haven't been there for about...a week, i suppose. Feels like forever.

So...yep. Sorry that my life is so boring. Nothing is going to be new this week except that I'm shaking off those cobwebs that grew on the things I learned the beginning of this year.

In 7 days, this year will be done. Ha, I'm sad. Sounds PATHETIC, but I'm sad. I love seeing my friends every day. I really do. It keeps me alive and...sane, I suppose.

RANDOM QUOTE OF THE DAY!!!

Found it in a friend's AIM profile: If you know that something is wrong and you have a choice to do it or not, remember: giving in is like giving up.

I'm not saying this for any reason, really, I just found it and it's very true.

I'm off to swim. I would love to have some silence.

~Jenny :]

Yeah, my back hurts. A lot. But it was expected. And I don't care. I refuse for it to hinder back my life. It will not. I don't care. I AM doing sousaphone in marching band. I WILL run if I want to. If it kills me, so be it. So HA.

Sigh.

(Just so you all know, I'm on my dad's laptop, our computer is deathly ill, and I might be on this for a while, meaning I might not be updating as much...)

One week down. Only one full week to go. Huzzah.

So...today I saw Up with the Wright family. Rather fun. I liked it, and yes, I cried three times. It was kinda sad and I had personal relations with what happened. Good gravy it's a PIXAR movie and I had 'personal connections'. No, I never had a personal connection with a talking dog or an Asian Boy Scout, if that's what you're wondering...

When I got home, it was raining. And my mind is full of QUITE a lot right now (you know, the drama is killing me. It's just EATING at me. And i'm tired of it.)so I changed into sweats and my marching band jacket and ran (yes, i DID run. i'm not supposed to. whatcha going to DO about it?)about 3 miles and IT FELT SO GOOD. Yeah, it hurt, but I'm not sure if I really care or not. I ran into the branches hanging over the sidewalk just to have my face slapped with cold water. It felt so good, it got some stress out (though I'm positive I'll be feeling the pain tonight and tomorrow) and just move some. I should have been studying...but I guess that's what weekends are for.

So....the MRI's came back. Anddddddddd....nothing. It's 'normal.' Sureeee. But what kinda concerns me is that in the MRI, they found something growing on my thyroid (I think it's something in your neck). OH. FANTASTIC. LIKE I NEED A N Y T H I N G ELSE ON MY PLATE. So honestly I'm scared, like if it's bad or anything. My mom said not to worry, but she might just be saying that just so I don't get too frightened (too late). Gah.

And on top of that, I'm positive I failed that math test I spent hours upon end studying for. I love my life.

~j

Random song I've been working on

'Song I've been working on' meaning I just thought of in the last 10 minutes.

Feel free to visit me in my hushed place
But don’t talk to me face to face
If you speak, sugarcoat your words
Why speak the truth when there’s nothing left to spur

So why even bother?
Why even try?
I’ve been dismantled down
Broken heart as a meager cry

Was I not strong enough?
What I’d do wrong?
In my own loosely seamed trance
But oh, before long

I’ve been taken down

Two more days...two more days...then the week is over.

I'm getting rather sick of this. Hopeless, stressful, discouraging little life of mine.

My Tuesdays are...unlike any others.

So of course, I come home (more like racing home, i had S0O0O0O0O0O0O0O much homework), threw my french horn aside and started scribbling my German homework down. After a few minutes of work, my mom and I had to leave for an MRI. I believe they did it on the thorax? Maybe? I KNOW it's not the scapula because I got that done 2 years ago. So anyway, interesting story, MRI's. If you don't know what that is, it's when they pretty much X-Ray your muscles/tendons/things like that instead of your bones. You get stuck into a small tube and they make these incessant INSANELY LOUD beeping and clicking sounds.. To prevent myself from panicking, being the claustrophobic person i am, i pretend I'm going to the moon and I'm in the rocket. The beeping and clicking is from the liftoff, and my imagination goes from there.

Anyway.

I have to wear absolutely NO metal, because this thing is also a giant magnet. So i change to those weird scrubs, take out my bobby pin and walk over to the machine. As I start to lay down, my head gets pulled to the center of it. Me being me, I scream from surprise (well wouldn't YOU if your head was being pulled to this giant machine bigger than your room? YEAH, that's what I thought) and I realized that I still have a barett in my hair. Ohhhhhhhhhhh snap. So i try to rip it off, but the nurse moves me aside and said that if I take it off here, it will get sucked into the MRI machine and screw it up. So i run out of the room, take it off, and then I'm not magnetic. PHEWWWWW. That was...quite the surprise. After this little dilemna, I lay back down on my back and they pack me up as if I'm a glass vase in a UPS box (with pads around my arms, fingers, under my knees, around my ears, around my mouth, etc) and shipped into the scary machine I go. So...how small is it, you might ask? I probably have about 2+ inches around me. My arms are squished up on the sides (i was freaking out in the beginning) and my nose was about 2 inches from the side of the machine.) So i closed my eyes, pretended I was an astronaut, and it didn't go too badly. Oh yeah, they let me listen to a CD (I brought Anberlin; this is a story in itself. I thought if I brought jazz, I would tap my feet (you're not allowed to move AT. ALL.) and if I brought classical I would finger it on my legs. So I just brought Anberlin. Big mistake. So the ENTIRE stupid MRI thing I was telling my toes not to curl to the beat, or my fingers to tap...I should have brought country. -shudders-. Maybe not, I doubt that they want my vomit inside of that thing.) ANYWAY...so in between those loud incessant beepings, I heard some Anberlin. And YOU KNOW WHAT? The stupid beepings were always an A flat, and it would go from flat to sharp from flat to sharp every time it beeped. AHHHHH. It drove me INSANE. It beeped probably 100 times a minute, so it was like FLATSHARPFLATSHARPFLATSHARPFLATSHARP so I just wanted to scream TUNE IT FOR CHARLIE'S SAKE!!! But they never did. So anyway, I looked around (when I dared to open my eyes) and there were little dusty holes and I was TERRIFIED that a spider would crawl out and I wouldn't be able to move and it would be RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. That should be a form of torture. It would work well. But thankfully, no spider came out.

Eventually, it ended, huzzah, and here i am, alive (for the most part). We'll see what the results are later, and I'll let you know if anything happens.

~jenny

P.S. Oh yeah, yesterday I met with my band director and....I'm going to play the fiberglass sousaphone. I'm not sure what to think. Like it MIGHT work, hopefully, if my back lets it (it could handle the fiberglass one, NOT THE BRASS ONE IN THE SLIGHTEST) but the idea of learning a completely new way to play brass kinda leaves me hesitant. Oh well, I'll learn.

Debating

So today is Tuesday. Yayyyy tuesday. I'm running away from my homework for a second so I can breathe later.

So...today, during science, I had a 'religion' debate with my friend (Jia). It was...interesting. She had a lot of questions about Christianity and how I know it's true (she's an Atheist). I tried my best to defend my relationship with Christ but respect what she believed in (which, might i add, was rather hard.) She asked a lot of questions like: (feel free to answer and give me your opinion)
-Is Jesus also God?
-Where did God come from?
-When people die, what will happen to them if they don't believe in an afterlife?
-How do you know that the future is set in stone?
-What really IS a soul?

Now, if you REALLY know me, I'm never really ready for these kind of things. I can think of a GREAT relation to the question 5 minutes later, but not on the spot. BUT. I was so proud of myself...she asked 'So why would God send his son down here to a (quoting) hell like this?' And I replied 'The same reason that Jesus died for you.' And she DIDN'T HAVE AN ANSWER TO THAT!! SO THAT MIGHT STICK IN MY HEAD!!! Oh that made me so happy. Anyway, that made another whole set of questions like 'Did Jesus ACTUALLY die?' 'Why DID Jesus die for the sinners?' 'Why WOULD he?' Anyway, after questions like this, she came with the toughie that EVERYONE struggles with.

Why does God let bad things happen? (She used the Holocaust as an example)

I kinda knew that the Jews were 'damned' from the beginning from the whole Egyptians and Jews thing, and Jesus DID (for lack of word) foreshadow that something would happen to them. So...I don't know. I didn't really answer with that. I wasn't sure if she would understand. By the way, we completely didn't do our work in science, but our science teacher (who rocks) saw that we were in a huge debate and she let us off the hook. :D I love her. Anyway, after science, we started towards German II with Julie (my short asian friend) and they both started hurling questions at me like 'How do you know that the Bible is true and it isn't just a piece of crap?' (Julie is a Buddhist) 'How do you know that some people made it up to make you feel better?' And me, being awful at answering questions on the spot, didn't answer. I guess I'm not very good at this testifying thing...oh bother. I feel awful that I couldn't answer the questions, but I didn't want to just make an answer up. But, if you do or don't know them, just please pray for God to soften their hearts. And for me to remember all of the memorized verses I have stored in my dense (with knowledge!!!) head that always seem to disappear when I need them the most...

~Jenny