I'm moving.

I never thought this would happen. I'm leaving. My dad found a job in Trenton, New Jersey and we need it. We'll be staying where my aunt lives until we can find a home. But as soon as we can...we're out.












Just kidding, actually. Terribly sorry to anyone who actually believed that. I'm actually moving to another blog website. This one cramps my style.

Here's the URL:
http://oceanofhisgrace.wordpress.com/

Bye bye blogger.

~j

I don't understand why everything that is happening needs to happen in the most excruciatingly painful way possible.

Ode to Summer

Well, summer is over in about 7 hours.  

Through...

...what seemed like endless days of stagnancy and stumbling backwards

heartache and tears that fall like rain

hollow laughs and smiles

determination in its purest form

the experience of a LIFETIME

horrifying situations

a God I will live for

the way I have been changed

heartbreak and dead ends

depression in a family

set backs and fears

knowing how it feels to be alone

and pretending that it's all right

the hardest struggle of standing up again

depending on God like oxygen

doubts and worries

nightly cries and screams in darkness

waking up in the middle of the night thinking until the sun rises

praising my Lord no matter what comes my way

empty pens and an entire notebook of thoughts and prayers of this summer

friends that are truly there, not just for show

music speaking to me like nothing else

discovering a passion

goodbyes and changes

quiet rooms and empty houses

holding on to family

each day being a challenge

knowing that one day I will be all right...

this has been one heck of a summer.

~j

VOTD:

For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Psalm 57:10

Sometimes, it's so necessary to let go of everything that has happened. Letting it all slip away for just a few minutes can be so relieving. I was doing the dishes last night, home alone, and Billy Jean came on the radio. I grabbed a soup ladle and I danced around my kitchen like crazy. Hahaha it was great.  I seriously forgot everything that has happened, everything I struggle with and the problems that keep coming up and got to sing Michael Jackson as loud as I could. 

~j

VOTD:

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

Lamentations 3:25-26

In the past few weeks...

I have realized why there are so many songs written about love or falling in love.

I have also realized why there are so many songs written about losing love.

I have realized that it's for the better. I have realized that the disease got in the way.

I didn't realize how much it was killing you.

I have also realized that you should NEVER EVER EVER drive with flip-flops on. And you should never ever freeze in fear with your foot gunning the gas.

All i got for now.

~j

Just stab me in the heart and twist it, why don't you? I think it would hurt less.

Bizarre.

After LINK crew today, I happened to hear the marching band around the corner. I ran over to the other side of the school to watch. I saw the drum majors conducting. I saw my...their...band directors scanning the field. I heard the music. I heard the low winds, the clarinets, the trumpets. I watched their marching technique. I watched the freshmen. I watched their eyes moving. I watched them wrap up their first song. I watched them huddle together before hurrying inside to avoid the rain. Hannah noticed me and waved. I watched them all talk to each other, laugh and lug in their instruments, water bottles, folders. I stood there until everyone went inside.

I feel like I'm on the outside of this bubble. It's a nice, unfazed bubble. I watch everyone else follow their passion unhindered. I guess God is going to lead me down a different road. As a recent devotional said, I'm clinging on to this penny while God is trying to show me all of the gold He has in store. But for the time being, it's frustrating to be on the outside when I feel like I'm going nowhere.