Thinking...

So I finally took a break from all of this English work I have to do, and this is just random thoughts that went through my head. When I say random, they have no connection whatsoever.

If you put a Sour Patch Kid into water, then take it out, will the sugar from the outside of the Kid dissolve into the water and make lemonade?

It's funny how I get such a desire to serve God, to love Him, to show him to the world...I think this is a sign.

You know, when people cry, whether it's because someone died or they're going through a rough time, WHATEVER the reason, why do they end up smiling and saying "Sorry..." and covering their face? Are they NOT sad anymore? Are they afraid to actually show the world what they actually feel? Why is it so simple for humans to let their happy-mask come up quickly? Why are they embarrassed about what they were just crying about? Are they concerned how they look? Honestly, when I cry (example: our last lovely competition when my back spazzed majorly), I just cried. I was WELL aware that my eyes were puffy and I was well aware by the end of the day my lip was so swollen and red (bleeding by the end...) from biting it. I kinda just...didn't care. Why do people really care THAT much about appearance that they swallow up what they're feeling to look nice? Is that what society wants? Unfeeling, apathetic Barbie dolls?

Corn syrup is really gross. The combination is corn syrup and sugar together is even worse. Really. It hurt my teeth. I learned this today.

I'm so ready to be better, really. I hate being sick.

I'm NOT A FAN OF MAKEUP WORK. My English teacher is out to KILL. ME. We have this huge project that was supposed to be with 2 people but she decided to give it to me solo. Gee, thanks, Mrs. T.

I'm very alone tonight. My family is gone. And I'm here doing work and watching Say Yes to the Dress. :[. Tomorrow's gonna suck.

I NEED TO GO WINTER SHOPPING. I NEED LONG SLEEVES ACTUALLY. I'm tired of being cold.

OH MY GOODNESS I'm going to miss Mike. A lot. Actually, I'm gonna miss all of the seniors...But Mike...yeah, I'll cry my eyes out when he leaves considering he's my brother and the boy that keeps me...'steady'...with our family, and my source of knowledge when it comes to my homework, and the boy that finishes my food and then has seconds, and the boy that plays saxophone at 10:30 PM when I'm trying to sleep and all of that. Don't go, seniors. You're all too nice. College is overrated.

My dog needs a bath. She smells.

I HEARD AN OWL TONIGHT. Pretty cool.

I'm cold. And tired. Gonna lay down.

That's pretty much it. Yep.

~j

My day suddenly rocks.

So obviously I was home again today, and I was near tears in frustration when I saw all of the stuff I gotta make up. It's really frightening. Anyway, my pants vibrate (hahaha :]) and it's Casey. It says "You made it to districts!!" I leap up and tell my mom. Then the phone rings and it's Natalie, telling me I made districts and she did too, as did Austen and Dan and pretty much all my friends. :] I WAS SO HAPPY. Right after that, Hannah comes (to pick up underarmor which I won't be using since I won't be at the game tonight...) and gives me a care package, consisting of 52 things to do when I'm sick, loads of books, crossword puzzles and stickers. Hannah, you rock. I LOVE YOU. You know exactly what to do. :]

My day suddenly looks a lot brighter. I'm so happy.

~j

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

Psalm 19:1

Quarantined. Eww.

I'm not a fan of not seeing the light of day. I go from the couch to my bed to the couch to here once in a while when my head isn't splitting apart. The shades are all drawn down and yuck. I pretended I was Harry Potter today and that Voldemort was coming to attack me. It amused me for about an hour.

This morning I was HIDEOUSLY AWFUL. Apparently I was green/gray this morning and my mom wanted to take me to the ER. :\ Eventually I fell asleep (after 3 Advils...) and eventually I got better. But my fever keeps going up. Very bad.

So no game or competition OR HALLOWEEN PRACTICE WHAT?!?!?!?! I'M SO DISAPPOINTED. Halloween practices are SO much funnn. And we were gonna be superheros....oh man I'm so sad. I think I should get in my marching band uniform on Saturday and just go around the house like that. I'm showing my spirit...in my own unique way :]. Let's go Big Red. <3

Gonna go night night. Or just rest. Either one. I'm not a fan of flu either.

~j

YUCK.

i HATE being sick. This is very very sick I'm talking about. I got the sore throat, the headache (more like a migraine...), the achiness, the hacking cough of an 80 year old smoker, the fever...gross. I hate being sick. And I hate thinking about all of the work I'm gonna have to make up. Boooo block scheduling.

Yesterday, after school I went to Liz's house with Erin/Hannah in order to work on this Global project we had to do. It's a filming one. Fun. I'm the news anchor/crazy doctor. Hannah L. used about 2 gallons of hairspray to make my hair crazy. It took forever to get it all out. :P I feel awful that I went to Liz's house, and then later find out I had a high fever and all. Sorry Liz. :[

I also had my district choir audition yesterday. I probably didn't do that well considering my circumstances. I wonder if she'll let me re-audition. Whatever...I may not have made it. Oh well.

I've been thinking a lot of about stuff. Shocking, right? :P And with all of this time I have to do it now. I read, I watch Say Yes to the Dress, I think, I sleep. Anyway...God. I love Him. But I was thinking...I'm not really LIVING my life for Him. After reading Susie some, it just amazed me how much I want to do a mission trip. I want to do it more than music. I miss Toronto, where I made such good bonds with these people I barely knew, how we would act and sing on the streets and let people either flip us off or applaud us for our boldness, how I learned that street people (aka homeless people) have hearts and a favorite color and family members. You don't think of them as anything except the people who sit on sidewalks unable to get a shower. I love them. They've made room in my heart this past summer. I WANT to do something about it. When Austen came over (and we ended up talking for an hour haha), we talked about this kind of thing. I think THAT'S what I want to do with my life. I want to serve God. I WANT to make a difference in someone else's life. So...yeah. Just something I was thinking about. :]

I'm probably going to sleep now. Or read. Or something. I hate being sick.

~j

VOTD:

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Romans 12:2

Quick blurb...

I have about 8 minutes and then Austen is coming over so we can practice districts together. We're both scared out of our minds...well at least I am.

So today I had allergy shots but had a really bad reaction. I got hives, the inside of my ribs tickled (like a chocolate allergy reaction times ten thousand) and my throat was all gross and i couldn't stop coughing and i wasn't very happy. Anyway the doctor injected me with adrenaline to help the reaction. And now i can't stop shaking. Guess who's not sleeping tonight. :P

That's all. Pretty decent day, my back is on fire. This sucks.

Whatever.

~j

VOTD:

So that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us;

Acts 17:27

A venting/appreciation session before I practice my booty off for the recital.

Hello anonymous,

I really think that venting out somewhere is good. It's not good to keep things bottled in. I'm not a fan of speaking face to face with my problems, so I think vaguely exploding here is just better. Obviously no names, that's wrong. Just want to get out what I've been thinking about. Hereeee we go.

Okay, really, I can't wait until you go. I try SOOOO hard to get along with you, to give you the benefit of the doubt, to give you excuses for your actions and honestly it is no longer working. You don't deserve what you get. Maybe I do love you, maybe I do care when you run off to get attention because I don't want you dead. You're just making this so much harder than it has to be. I'm bending over backwards just to try to live with you and not go crazy. Now it's your turn.

I do still love you. I know that priorities change. It's okay. I just gotta accept that it won't be the same.

I love you. I miss you. And I know you miss me. We need time in a bottle. I'd open it up right now so we could catch up again. It would probably take over 48 hours to catch up. We could bake again, we could relearn our dance to HSM, we could catch up and spill our hearts again. I still remember that day I sat in your empty family room with you as our parents packed up your house and I thought of everything that would change. Whether this was for the better, I'll never know. But I know I have been changed for good.

Thank you for keeping me alive. And helping me with my homework every night. And how you're almost willing to help. :] Don't go. Please. Just stay here. College is overrated.

You rock. Feel free to live in my mailbox as we planned it to be. I will bake you brownies every day. I can't imagine junior year without you here with me.

You have taught me so much, whether it's how to rotate my wrists on the keys or how to love. You have changed my life. You push me to tears but remind me of the reward at the end. You helped make my dreams look possible. Thank you.

I do feel better. Now I'm off to practice.

~j

VOTD:

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

2 Corinthians 3:18

TGIF? Not so much.

So I believe this was the suckiest Friday of my entire life. High school is not fun. It's not a barrel of monkeys in the slightest way. BLAH.

So let's start with global studies. ugh. We had a sub today and crazy boys + fridays = chaos and we get nothing done. so we didn't do much that class. Watched a movie about Mao and how he killed millions of people and yet people kissed the ground he walked on. Interesting story.

Band. As usual, sucky. I did well on the test we did. It SHOULD be for the elementary kids it's so easy...but whatcha gonna do. This batch of freshmen honestly don't care about anything. Why marching band is SO. DARN. FRUSTRATING.

Orchestra was fine. As usual. Then EOP came along.

So during EOP (for non-Souderton peeps: 20-25 minutes to do whatever needs to be done, like visit a teacher for help, just hang out, do homework, etc.) So a friend of mine and I went to practice for districts in the practicie room. And I sang. And she basically said that I was bad. Well actually she DID say I was bad. She said that I was 'flat' and how my jump from Db to F was not good. I held my tongue though I would have loved to scream 'Hi, i'm the girl with perfect pitch. I think I know what i'm doing.' But WHAT.EVER. Natalie heard it too and said that it was fine. Just the situation...It bugged me. A LOT. Right when i thought i was prepared...UGH. That insulted me a lot. Natalie flipped out when she heard what this friend said....whatever.

Lunch stinks. I want my old lunch table. So. Badly.

Honors English...got a C- on a pop quiz. lovely.

Biology...down to an 83%. Even more lovely.

Band. Did a run-through in the rain and wind I HATE WIND SO MUCH. GAHHH Rachel and I were standing with one leg back when we had holds. It was awful. Then we ate, packed up and went to north penn for the game. Homecoming + north penn + our wimpy football team (though we HAVE been winning) = disaster. Anyway we warm up (meanwhile, Mike cannot find his shako and garmet bag (containing gloves) and piccolo player Caitlin forgot her piccolo so she had to stand at attention while we performed) and then we end up doing a STANDSTILL which aren't fun. And yeah. Then we came home. And i lost my beret. And my gloves, if I didn't mention. I wore Alyssa's. GAHHHH. I'll just go to bed now, this day must end.

Whitehall comp, at noon tomorrow, homeshow at night. 'Repoitoire' (sp?) on Sunday, church on sunday, youth group. Somewhere there squeeze in reading The Fall of the House of Usher, a lab report and research on the chicken flu. YUM.

~j