What can I say?

This morning at church, God wanted me to feel Him again. I know it. Every song was so moving, talking about surrendering our entire life to Him and Him only. With this struggle, it gets oh so challenging to let it go and MOVE ON. But I'm losing so much now because of this stupid eating disorder. And there are just days (like today) when I want to give up, to just let everyone down because I cannot keep up with the masquerade that I'm okay. But...God is telling me to let everything go. For Him. Because He gave everything. For US. We have to let go of our burdens, our sins, our screams, our pain, our sorrows, our past, our regrets, our tears...and give it ALL to Him. And we will then know true humility.

I want to let go. And I know that God is working on me, prying this hideous addiction/disease/whatever you want to call it out of my life. It's hard. And it's painful. And there are many times I feel so alone because no one truly understands how it works. But it's for Him. And it's for the better.

Thanks for listening.
~j

James 4:7
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.