It's about time I updated this...

The lack of updating my blog is due to the curveballs that have recently been hurled at me. Yay life. :P

Wow. Quick update...I spent 4 weeks in Renfrew Center the beginning of May into June, trying to recover. I had the worst outlook, and I'd do anything to go back and do it again and actually give it a good effort. I am now in day treatment 5 days a week from early morning to afternoon. It's basically like school, except you're being taught how to eat again rather than silly unnecessary things such as calculus and chem. 

Guess what? I want to get better. :] I finally hit the rock bottom that I've needed for so long last Sunday. When I came home, I went exactly back into the habits I had before Renfrew. I overexercised, threw away food, lied about my exchanges, restricted, you name it. And on Sunday the 5th, I finally realized how much I lost, and it would take me a VERY long time to list the opportunities I have lost, the events I've missed, the friendships I've lost, the smiles and laughs that were taken...it hurts still. And I realized that I don't want to live like this anymore. I didn't realize how much Satan had control of my mind, and it scared me. I finally heard the difference between God's voice and Satan's voice, and it was so long since I could hear it. That was a very very very tearful day. 

Yet...it's so hard. It's hard to eat normally. It's hard NOT to worry about food and not feel guilt. Every day I do have to fight the obscenely strong urge to run everything off until I pass out. I miss that control. But I crave my relationship with God, that fiery passion that I once had, and thankfully is beginning to rekindle. This is such a hard situation. Please pray. And also, please pray about my dad's car which was ruined in the car accident. I know I shouldn't worry about it at my age, but I'm very scared considering his lack of job, and with that accident racking up the bills, I get slightly nervous. Prayers would be great.

In short, God has done a lot in my life in the past weeks in recovery. And there is absolutely no feeling like Him always being there for me. :]

~j

VOTD:

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Psalm 51:10

Yet another update.

I will be staying at the Renfrew Center in Philadelphia for one month. Living there. I'll be having classes on how to get better, get my mind out of this panic-mode with food and major exercise, etc. I'd be lying if I said I'm not scared out of my mind. Please pray.

~j

So umm...yeah. State Choir.

On Wednesday, me and five other Souderton kids headed out to Pittsburgh for the PMEA state choir. Needless to say, it was an experience I will NEVER forget. It was districts and regionals on steroids. Not only was it state choir, it was the state band, state orchestra, state wind ensemble, state jazz ensemble and state vocal jazz choir. There were over 600 prodigies of music stuffed into one school/convention center/hotel. 600. It was INCREDIBLE. You were surrounded by music wherever you went. Oh my goodness, and the sound of the choir. It sounded like 288 angels singing. The basses were so good that their notes rattled in your chest. I love singing so much. :]

Another crazy thing? 5 out of the 6 Souderton kids made the top ten of their section (Natalie 7th, Kelsey 10th, Will 4th, Brenna 2nd, me 3rd).And helloooo Eastern Regions. :D

Another amazing thing. On Saturday before the concert, we had oodles of down time while the other ensembles were performing. Jon decided to start a bible study with his friends. It started out with about five of us, and ended up with about 25 of us. We barely knew each others' names but we all ended up spilling our lives out, our pain and problems, where to look in the Bible for help, we prayed for each other, we sang every worship song we could think of. I ended up crying, especially seeing Natalie having tears stream down her face. I loved getting the strange looks from everyone else (we were in the middle of the floor...in a circle...in the Pittsburgh Convention Center, mind you.) Some people were curious and would hang around for a bit, then leave. Most stayed. Even the head chaperone saw what we were doing and came to join us. And you know? This is the power of God. That day. We were strangers and yet we were bonded in the family of Christ. It was INCREDIBLE. I'm so glad I got to experience it.

I'd post more but I believe I hear Carter pulling up. But in short, these past few days were marvelous days. I will never forget them.

~j

VOTD (and one of my personal favorites:)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

This is hurting my very soul. It absolutely kills me to see people so entangled in sin. I can only depend on prayer at a time like this...

~j

VOTD:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

Indescrible.

So I woke up early this morning to go running, and by 'waking up early', I mean I forced my rather sleepy body out of my bed around eight o'clock. It felt rather good. The weather is SO beautiful. It's PERFECT out. I've gotten major spring fever after the multiple 'Blizzards of 2010'. After I ran, I came back home and decided to read outside. I got pretty distracted by the nature surrounding me. I was watching a shadow of an ant crawl about a flower, and this butterfly was circling the gardens I was in between. It's so beautiful. Hello, spring.

Whatever religion you are (or aren't), you can't deny that our earth is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. So go enjoy it today. :]

~j

VOTD:

 What great deeds are done by His hands. 

Mark 6:2

50 Things I Thank God For

These are in no order whatsoever. They can be life changing or little things that make me smile.  All the while, they are from God. So thanks. :]

1. Him saving my life.

2. His grace that I see every moment of my life.

3. My oh so special family.

4. My incredible sisters in Christ that are there for me always.

5. The people in my life that mean the world.

6.  Music. Enough said. :]

7. The ability to laugh.

8. His forgiveness.

9. Rain. While it's cold and raw right now, it's replenishes the earth and makes things green again. :D

10. Shelter. Something we take for granted EVERY DAY.

11. Food. See above side note.

12. Clothing. Once again, see number 10 side note.

13. Fires that heat up our home.

14. Sunsets and sunrises that He paints in the sky every day.

15. Flip flops.

16. The sun (when it decides to come out :P)

17. Seeing the robins flutter around when I'm walking to school.

18. The ability to sing.

19. The ability to dance.

20. The people that help you when in a time of need.

21. Hoodies and sweats that just come out of the dryer.

22. The ability to walk. You realize that you take it for granted when you see your best friend on crutches...

23. While on the subject, the ability to heal. Physically and emotionally.

24. Piano sonatas. :]

25. Jazz.

26. The fine detail in flowers.

27. Sand in between your toes in the summer.

28. Loving people.

29. People that forgive one another.

30. Being able to live in such a safe country.

31. All the different languages in the world. As difficult as they are, they are all incredibly beautiful in their own way.

32. Blue skies on a spring day.

33. People that encourage my spiritual life.

34. Show choir. Enjoying it while it's here. :]

35. The way God blessed us with the intelligence for our technology.

36. Dinners with the family around the table.

37. His ENDLESS love.

38. Swing sets.

39. Those huge trees you see in forests, and you imagine just how many hundreds of years they have been standing there.

40. The beauty of animals, whether microscopic or breaking Guinness World Records for the largest.

41. Having a new day to start over every twenty four hours.

42. Bible study. Whether Dave's or The Movement.

43. Fuzzy socks to keep my feet warm.

44. Making new friends.

45. Being blessed to have a piano.

46. Smiles.

47. Running. 

48. Wisdom.

49. Having all five senses.

50. The Bible, an entire love story by God.

~j

VOTD:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

What a week!

This is probably my first Saturday morning when I'm not at set construction or another school based activity in quite some time. And I haven't been to bible study for three weeks due to our Beauty and the Beast (finally can come on Monday!!!) This week has been crazy. I understand why this is called 'Hell Week'. Having practices until ten every night, getting home as early as you can, exhausted to the bone from running around, freaking out about microphones, wardrobe malfunctions, dancing, etc. It's SO amazing. I'm glad I've survived half of it, with half more to go. :]

And now begins the race to learn state music and that second movement of that Beethoven sonata..

How I'd love to write more, but I actually don't have that much time to get my things done before the performance tonight (7:30, $10, come see it!! :D). 

~j

VOTD:

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:16