Breathe.

Here I am, sitting here on this snowy Friday evening, sweats and all, recovering from some sort of 24 hour bug, dying to talk. This whole giving up Facebook for lent is pretty difficult.

This week has actually been a hard one. Not in the case of work, but more of an emotional roller coaster. There's so much that's on my plate, with time running out. I've thought so much about other people whom I love so much that are going through a literal hell. Many people come to my mind when I say that.

I'm giving myself the challenge to smile at random people in the hallway who seem like they just might need a little brightness in their life. We're brushing shoulders with people that are ready to die, and we are completely oblivious. They can see themselves as utterly worthless, not worth anyone's time or effort. And they'll do whatever it takes to try to fit this cookie cutter shape of what they think is the 'right' or 'perfect' person. And they'll take drastic measures to reach it. And if they don't, they beat themselves up. How easy it is to get entangled up in sin. And how easy it is to say that 'I'm fine, I don't need to get out of here, I'm in control.' Frog in boiling water, my friends. You don't realize how deep you are in until you get out of it, look later and say 'I was really in THAT deep?'

It is basically impossible to save someone out of what they're in by yourself. You'll probably need help. That's why we got God. And that's why we DO have parents, or adults, mentors, whatever. They know what to do too.

Please, I beg you, don't do this to yourself. I love you way too much for this to continue to happen.

This long of a struggle
Finally opened up my eyes
Revolutions not easy
With a civil war on the inside

~j

VOTD:

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Psalm 139:13-17